Lived Experience Forum

[Mazarita]

@CheerBear, sorry for the break between posts. Got distracted longer than expected writing an email to a collaborator in a different time zone.

I have had about three and a half hours of mostly steady sleep. So glad you were able to get a few good hours with furry friend. 

How are you feeling this morning? What's happening for you today?

[CheerBear]

I'm really happy with the sleep also @Mazarita, as I didn't expect I would have any last night. Mouse cat is great for that as she doesn't like me tossing and turning and will get out if I do. So I lie with her next to me, resting my hand on her or patting her head, very still until we both sleep. She's my night angel I think 🙂

I feel a bit messy this morning and queasy (that was the biggest red flag yesterday) which is annoying, but I feel better than I did yesterday. Last night here was very helpful.

Today I have my planning meeting. I'm really not up for it but know I need to go. I did absolutely nothing to get ready for it yesterday after I found out about what's going on. Friend wants to catch up after the meeting too. Also very much not exactly up for that either but will probably do that too.

How about you? How's today looking for you?

[Mazarita]

From what I've read, it sounds like you are ready for today's meeting from planning and preparation already done, @CheerBear. Sometimes it's good to let things work themselves out with things like at this point. I'm wishing you well for it.

So glad you feel a bit better this morning, and that talking about things here helped. 

I have another free day here. Not sure what I'll be doing with it yet. Maybe not that much. It's nice to have a quieter week. Recent times have been fairly intense for me.

[CheerBear]

I'm going to try and trust my (somewhat obsessive) planning and preparation has been enough @Mazarita. It often is and this shouldn't be any different. I think I'll have little problem letting someone know if something is not OK today, which is another good-ish thing maybe. I'm definitely not in the mood for any crap today.

Nice to hear you have some free time to do what you'd like to do. Have you looked at whether the tide will be right for a beach walk soon?

Interesting weather morning this morning. We have very unstable weather forecast for the next few days and today it is supposed to be quite warm and windy, getting more intense until a front comes through. There are long pink clouds where the sun is rising in the distance.

[Mazarita]

The tide is low at midday today, @CheerBear, so it could be the day for a walk. I'm in one of those 'don't jinx myself by planning' moods just at the moment. Yesterday, for example, I did very little of what I planned, but the day was still fine. Pressure-free, especially from my own nagging inner voice, is probably the name of the game for me today.

About your meeting today, I'm believe you've got this. 

I can imagine things might be tricky with seeing friend after the meeting. Glad you will be forthcoming if things are not okay for you.

Long pink clouds give me a lovely mind image. The birds are up here and the sky is mauve. Those cheepy friends have been relatively quiet at this time lately though. Sometimes there's a choral symphony, sometimes just a few soloists.

[CheerBear]

I really hope you enjoy the beach if you do get there today @Mazarita. You do gentle with yourself so well. It's something I need to work on, especially when I am not up to doing things I had planned. It's so good to be reminded that we can drop the pressure we put on ourselves, or try to at least.

Even if we catch up I won't tell friend today. I want to wait, at least until I've had a chance to speak with someone face to face. I think it will feel tricky keeping it to myself around him though. I keep telling myself that it is my choice what I do, and trying to hold on to that.

Soloists and a choral symphony ❤ So lovely. The birds today are high and in the distance. I don't think they like the wind this morning.

[Mazarita]

I was wondering about what you might say or not say to friend at this stage, @CheerBear. Your decision about that seems very wise. My only advice is to avoid getting impulsive and suddenly letting it all spill. That something I might do without meaning to, and I think it might complicate things in an unhelpful for you at this stage. It is your body and life, and your decision, as you already know. Glad to hear you are so clear on that.

Yes, it's very often a case of 'try to' for me with letting the nagging part of my brain rest. It's often still there in a kind of low grumbling way, even when I'm otherwise okay. That voice can actually paralyse me when I'm not able to ease up with it. It often needs more sleep!

Was really good to read that the appointment for middle went well yesterday. Happy to listen if you feel like talking more about that. Seems like it was a very good start to the process of healing. 

[CheerBear]

Thanks so much for reassuring me that it is OK, and more than OK and sensible even, to sit with this for a bit re friend @Mazarita. I feel very torn about a lot, one being what is right to do in terms of him. That one is too much for my head right now.

Yes with the more sleep and that grumbling voice! Sleep is magic (and a total pain sometimes)!

Yesterday was an appointment to build rapport with middle and keep them engaged, ready for trickier hospital appointment/s soon. My GP is incredibly on to things and has a very firm but understanding and patient way. She made them laugh yesterday and talk which is a vast improvement on previous visits where they refused to say a word. Very good stuff 👍

I'm going to head off and have a shower I think. Try and switch banana head off a bit ready for this morning. Little bit at a time and onwards and upwards (that one is for you @Teej 😘), and being kind to myself is the plan today. And then gentle if that plan doesnt work out 😉

Thanks so much for the chat and the feeling that you're on my side with this. It really means heaps.

Hope however today goes it is right for you and there are good feels in it ❤

[Mazarita]

My psychologist suggests that when showering I let all the stresses, worries and tensions wash away with the water, @CheerBear. Enjoy the cleansing feeling. Kind and gentle is the best way to approach things. Definitely on your side, and you've got this. 

[Zoe7]

@CheerBear so much love and many hugs incoming. I understand where you are sitting with all this right now and know that you will make the right decision for yourrself - you are the most important person in all this and although it is a diffiult decision to make I am sure you will do what is right for you. You have our support either way so lean on us as much as you need CB - we are with you 100% and despite it being through a screen you are very much loved here. Super massive hugs coming your way Hon 💜💙💚🧡💛🌺🌸🌷💐