Moving forward

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Appleblossom 🌸

Wow ... that's been an incredible few days ....

So glad the concert went well ... sounded perfect ... as dos the dinner and rest of the evening ....

Then along with it went all the disturbing emotions and struggles ....

I know you're a real Trojan Apple, but sending you big, warm hugs .... 💜💕

Are you feeling steadier now ?  Shake off the cold shoulder "ladies" of life .... they're a sad reality we come across sometimes ... I try to remember to drop a prayer at their feet as I shake the dust off my sandals and walk away from them ....

So proud of @Former-Member's progress .... you have learned so much ... and patience and compassion for yourself is a big part of that .... building the positive layers ...

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope. 💜😊💐

[Faith-and-Hope]

I love how the life experiences shared here are so encouraging to others on a similar path, and so inspiring in general ....

💜🌷💗💕🌸🌹

[Kurra]

Hey @Former-Member
I've noticed a lot of people here talk about symptoms returning again and again. The most useful thing my psychiatrist said to me was that all people, mi or not have bad cays or a few bad days at a time but it doesn't mean that you're going down the gurgler again. He told me that thinking that I was falling apart again could actually become a self fulfilling prophecy and that this type of thinking could actually make things worse.

Over te I've learnt to palm days like that off as simply bad hair days. This has stopped some of that negative thinking in it's tracks.

Just something for you to think about. 🎶💕💜💕🎶

[Former-Member]

Wow @Apple blossom, sounds like an amazing night. So full of creative color. Cold ladies don't fit 'color scopes' to me. It's funny how little things can really get us down at times, but like you said you had high expectations on yourself to perform so that always opens the door to 'hyper vigilence' & in turn vulnerable spots to be open bare for public vampire types to suck on.
End of day, I'm a bit like @Kurra, I tend to put it down to their deal or just a really crap crap day. Doesn't change that awful pitted feeling but it puts in perspective this woman simply was way too negative an entity for me to be around.
I think of the last year I have really grappled with this scenario too. Ridiculously over people I barely know. Still I was affected at the time, & had other things running always through my mind.
For me I end up in an irrational mess & completely exhausted.
I think good on you, you made this night & it's a special memory to hold for you & your son. Your sound like gorgeous, creative, highly talented people. 😘🎶🎇:ok_hand:

[Former-Member]

Pretty timely post for me @Kurra. I guess my therapist has tried a bit to go down that road to with me but it's hard to see in the thick of things. I going to try and keep that in mind today and see how I go. Woken up needing to cry but of course can't and feeling all the negativity close in on me. I have my phams worker coming at 2 to help me plan and organise my week and I was going to cancel her because I'm not in a great headspace. Maybe I'll try to keep that appointment and see how it plays out. Thanks for keeping me on my toes. I think I need that right now. 💜

[Kurra]

Hi @Former-Member
It's amazing what we can do when we think we can't. Just thst teeny little bit of extra effort csn work wonders. Break the fay down to short time slots - 5 mins at a time if necessary - it does work or it certainly has for me. You're getting there 👍

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for your replies @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope and @Former-Member

It was a lovely event and the words and music bubble up inside me for a while keeping the good feelings alive. Musically it was a success and the conductor and age reviewer were happy ...

My son had a nasty cold for his birthday so feeling sorry for himself .. and we are cosseting him .. but we got through it ..  the show must go on .. keeps giving us cause to rise to the task.

I will take on "drop a prayer at her feet" approach re cold shoulder lady .. it is just that for singing we are standing very close and need a sense of trust etc .. and just the shock that she felt so strong about me that she was being mean ...

Growing up I was always on the outer and very quiet and agreeable ... but often overcome and tongue tied ... all the years of therapy have kept my tongue moving ... lol ... so I am more open these days ... and have opinions etc ... now I am often in the middle as I tend to anchor the choir and give a solid note ... so I can concentrate on the huge improvement in that ... and let it be HER problem.  I know they say we shouldnt give others the power over how we feel ... maybe next time it happens .. I will be better able to snip it in the bud  .. and just put up protective wall ... it helped a lot for me to able to raise it here on the forum ... thanks all.

I also mentioned it as I know that SI still comes back to me ... but like @Kurra I discount it more these days ... than worrying I will fall prey to it ... especially if I have a reason to get my act together.

So the next few days will be relaxing at home and start selecting new projects.

@Former-Member I hope you realise how much it takes managing so many young adults in close quarters. As they grow more confident and stand on own feet you will get your space back ... hang in there ... being mum is the most important job .. I know you know ... but ... just telling you in case you forget it for 5 mins ...

cheers

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Appleblossom

In that moment when you feel affronted by "cold shoulder ladies" ..... try to stop and ask yourself .... "Am I prepared to give this person control over my mood for the day ?  Am I going to hand over my brain to them for this incident to go around and around in my thoughts, spoiling all others ?"

That might sound simple, but it's not really .... for some it might be enough to upset brain chemistry, and you have to then chase after the horse that has already bolted .... but with practice, even if that is your deal .... I believe it gets easier to follow that thought through with .... "Actually .... no thank you !" .... and find someone nice to replace them with in your emotional world for the day ... or pull in a big distraction, or reward yourself for being able to "drop a prayer at their feet" and walk on ....

🌹🌺💐💗❤️🌷✅💕❣

[utopia]

@Faith-and-Hope. I understand what you are saying here to @Appleblossom. I struggled with this for a long while. A 5 minute interaction or event could lead to only being able to focus on that negative moment for a whole day and night - if not longer & then I would miss the special or ordinary moments of the day.
And it feels wonderful when I no longer allow that to happen.