Moving forward

[Former-Member]

Hey @TAB i just read through this. Nope I didn't save it up but I guess I needed to realise that I entered into that conversation not in the best headspace and was a bit too forward. Just so you know it did hurt but I did learn so I see it as a win. I was honest when I said I was grateful for it. It was good learning for me. I think I was trying to transfer that learning back to you, possibly not done well though. And you didn't contribute to my collapse, I'm pretty good at doing that all by myself with the added bonuses of many life stressors that happened over the last few weeks. I'm not one to hold a grudge, never have been, never will be. Thanks for the olive leaf/branch, holding one out for you.Take care @TAB. 💜😊

[utopia]

G'day @Former-Member. How are you doing today?
Has been cold and raining here all week. Spring weather doesn't really kick in til October unfortunately here. Have been in bed with a cold all week. Now my boy has it & my mum woke up with it today too - on her birthday. Sounds like most of the town has it. But other than going through boxes of tissues, I'm good.
What's been happening with you?

[Former-Member]

Hi @utopia,

that's no good your family going down with a cold. I've been lucky so far this season. Everyone in my house has had at least one in the last month but me. I hope you are not flooded where you are. 

I probably shouldn't be posting here today, I've taken a few steps back. I posted a bit to TAWNEY on the sleeping too much thread if you want to read. I'm trying to say that tomorrow is another day and keep remembering to put one foot in front of the other. My house is peaceful tonight as everyone is out and I'm feeling a bit calmer now thus I'm catching up on posting a bit. 

I hope you feel better tomorrow, take care and keep warm 💜😊

[utopia]

@Former-Member. Sorry I didn't read your previous posts, but I will have a look. Whatever may be going on for you, I hope things settle down soon for you.
We are fine. Just a pity my mum fell sick on her birthday. No fun for anyone on their birthday.
Enjoy your quiet time tonight. And we can catch up when you're ready. No pressure.
Thinking of you. ♥♥♥
Oh, not in western Victoria- so lucky re:floods. But would love the rain to stop. Our creeks have overflowed, but no houses - so a lot safer than other Victirians.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Appleblossom,

 I think my alert is always on for conflict too. I'm with you on that and just for the record I'm glad you speak up. It gives you an integrity I respect and it helps reinforce the boundaries.  Thanks for your trust in me. A while ago I may not have earned that trust, probably would have done something stupid by now. I'm not past that yet but getting better at recognising stuff and knowing what to do to not always make it worse but I'm not confident yet to say never again. I've come a bit too close this week to messing up. I hope your ok. Looking from the outside it seems everything is just plodding along ok for you now.  I hope I'm right, please let me know if I'm wrong. 💜😊

[Kurra]

I have to say @Former-Member that I'm pretty impressed with how you're managing a rough period this time. You are obviously working incredibly hard on developing strategies that work for you. In a whacky sort of way, a battle hard won is much more meaningful and quite often more successful in the long term.

I'm so proud of you lassie. Remember the hare and the tortoise? Just plodding along one step at a time will win over the trials you face 🎶💕🎶

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Kurra, 

i was being a big chicken not knowing how to respond to this. I guess I know that I'm working it all out VERY slowly. It has been a very wobbly week and I know I'm not passed it. I guess I'm starting to feed off your determination. I have had the go ahead to go to hospital where it would be so much easier to get through this patch but I have to try and work through this on my own. I know I have to learn to keep myself safe at home. I'm not sure if you've ever experienced this before. One moment like now I'm just Teej and the next I'm out of control from the smallest thing and not caring about anything but checking out either permanently or temporarily. But I'm able to distract better than ever before and not keep escalating it so I'm winning for now. 

Waiting on hearing your good news of the paper work signed sealed and delivered on the new job. I guess you'll have some new challenges ahead too with shift work. It's great that you are feeling level again. Way to go @Kurra. 👍💜😊

[Kurra]

Now this is a major achievement @Former-Member. Being able to recognise your achiements is a massive stride in the right direction
Well done. Bed time for me
😪

[Appleblossom]

Dear @Former-Member

Its probably safer to do the "never say never" for  a while .. til bad stuff really feels like a part of your past and not something you are battling in the present.

Thanks for asking aout I am ...Yep ... steady is good... tho not exactly plodding as we had a brilliant and thoroughly beautiful concert yesterday at the town hall... then drinks in a bar and a lovely meal .. and gorgeous chocolate mud cake for son's birthday... then I drove everyone home ... only had one merlot .. so all good.

But in last 3 days I did have a few suicidal thoughts ... felt upset by cold shoulder lady ..and felt a lot of pressure for the day to go well ... but put in due diligence ... I will learn and imporve my social skills ..cold shoulder lady  ..is not a friend ... avoid

its not as simple as the lady made me think bad thoughts .. but the feelings or worthlessness were so deep and prevalent and get triggered and the thoughts come with that .. more than simply a response to rudeness in the present.

Dont feel you have to build Rome in a day ... and change who you are  ... just keep stepping up and stepping forward ... in between lie-downs

cheers Apple

one friend bought a tik but was so frazzled by horrible neighbours ... she wasnt coping and could not come into town

[Former-Member]

Thanks for replying @Appleblossom. I've been wondering how it all went and was getting a little worried about you. I'm really sorry you've been taken back to the suicidal thoughts, they get us when least expected and hang around longer than we expect too. I am thrilled to hear the concert was a success and that yours sons birthday went well. What a wonderful night to remember. I know the social scene troubles you but I really admire your perserverence with this considering how stirring this is at times. I think cold shoulder lady is definately not on the list of friends. It feels like your radar is good on this one. 

I guess we are both building Rome @Appleblossom and it seems it is more successful when in between lie downs. Take care of you. I hope the thoughts go soon, mine have for now but I'm beginning to realise they'll be back again and again and again, maybe for the rest of my life but I suppose I'll have to live to find out. 💜😊💐