Constant Measuring Can Lead To Misery

[diarose_]

This helped me a lot and has put a whole new perspective on life for me. Thankyou. 

[Silenus]

Hi @BlueBay 🙂

Actually, what you wrote makes lots of sense.

And you are definitely not a horrible person. Sending warm hugs to help you in your struggles.

[Silenus]

I'm so glad it helped @diarose_ 🙂

It was a real eye-opener for me too, realising that I was not only measuring myself against others, but also falling into the subtle trap of regularly measuring myself against myself...

So much energy used up in doing it, so much misery manufactured out of thin air... and there I go measuring again... hahaha... it is a subtle trap...

Acceptance is an important thing for me. It transcends measurements... I accept that a life situation or an emotional imbalance or a bipolar mood storm is a certain way. Instead of using up all of my life energy fighting something that I cannot change, instead I try to observe and learn from it...

Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you... 🙂

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @Neb

I often ask after you but think I put your name down as neb.......

I like what you write........

I always want to live in a small town here in Western Australia, I would feel more...relaxed. Fortunately, the small town I want to live has a wonderful MI service that is very good for my husband 

But I'm learning to let things go.let the world just turn and act.......when and if a move just comes up. Not force it. 

I've been heartbroken because my academic family are not like me; I've learned at last...after years and years of therapy that I can be completely alone and only lean on my self and not act on how .....academics see me. 

I'm thinking that.how I live......feeling the soul is what I want to be. I am learning that if I think weak and bad of myself;  my unconscious will believe it. I need to think that I am fine right now. And strong knowing that my Mother has turned my brother against me. I need to be strong in how to be slone not to be dependent on wanting love from my family. 

I; I remembered the other day that years ago, when my youngest son was really really ill. My therapist started the session bt saying I'm not supposed to tell you this but you are doing a wonderful job with your son. 

And then, at the time,,,,,,,I just forgot. 

I'm I think.going on the edge of accepting I might be okay being alone in my life. I dont need my Mum's approval. 

[Silenus]

Hi @Neb 🙂

You asked about my avatar. I am unsure whether you mean my name of Silenus or the Guy Fawkes mask that I choose to use as my profile picture, so I will explain both...

The Guy Fawkes mask has a lot of meaning for me, primarily as the concept of a mask to hide what lies beneath. For almost all of my life, from earliest childhood onwards, my life taught me to be self sufficient, to rely only on myself. I got very good at hiding my pain behind a mask of okay-ness, because I didn't wish to trouble others.

But if you wear a mask for too long, you start to forget what your real face looks like, and other people never really get to know the "real" you. It is like a two-edged sword that cuts both ways.

Finding out how to find the strength to embrace your own inner vulnerability is key to finally removing the masks that we wear every day, and that allows us to engage in genuine communication with other people, without our many masks distorting things.

The Guy Fawkes mask in particular also ties in very strongly with my anti-establishment leanings. I actively question society, and would wish to tear down much of the destructive hurtful elements of it that too many people just blindly accept.

Change is not difficult unless we are afraid of it and refuse to embrace it...

My chosen name of Silenus has been with me for a long time. Silenus is a minor Greek godlet of wine, poetry and debauchery, the mentor of Dionysus. As I am a poet, come from a family that has its fair share of alcoholics, and since I tread that difficult fine line between sobriety and self-medicated inebriation often in order to deal with the extremes of my bipolar, I thought it a very fitting sobriquet...

@Neb - I love your thoughts on small towns. I spent my first 8 years of life in a tiny village in Denmark - no more than 15 or 20 houses and 5 km to the nearest shops... it was a very idyllic existence. Thank you for awakening these very calming pleasant memories in me...

Sending hugs and happy vibes your way... 🙂

[Silenus]

Hi @PeppiPatty 🙂

Wow. That is a wonderful insight and a great strength - realising that you can stand alone. That realisation has taken me many years to get to. Finding the love for ourselves within ourselves is an incredible step towards being healed and whole.

Thank you for sharing this. Many hugs and happy vibes beaming to you... 🙂

[PeppiPatty]

@BlueBay I've been trying to find information about your Mum in treating you. 

For many years, I have tried and tried t get my Mum to love me. I'm always getting into situations which she is part of and it's incredibly painful for me to handle it. 

Im here with you, hope to write tomorrow 

PPxx

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Silenus

Thanks for messages. It feels like that you are anti establishment; may I question something that I'm confused about? 

I have a dear friend who has had.......terrible life experiences; cancer from age 8 yrs old on and then; now at 63 years old more and more cancer. But she is very clever; at her proffession.

But I've been noticing lately; she seems to be so anti everything; I find it......a little weird?? She goes on about all the ills in Australian politics......

but......I get confused

because, I just want to see her and cuddle her about her body.

[theaveragejoe]

Hi SIlenus, you are not a failure by any means. You are an inspiration to many people and you have talents that are very valuable and rare. At the moment it may be that you are learning by helping others and why not write a book on real life? ON your experiences on mental health self help sites? It would sure make a very interesting read and perhaps share a bit about your ability, a gift, to make people feel good, to help even though you are struggling yourself. Now that is a real gift. 

I totally agree with your decision not to have children. I am the same. This world suckis in many ways especially for young people. It is a very harsh world and while there are many beautiful things, Humans can be horrible and those in power are corrupt and make life misery for many people. Intelligent people find it hard to live in such a primitive world.

You need to write the right book and everything will fall into place. You are a terrific writer. I for one really admire you 🙂 

[BlueBay]

Oh @PeppiPatty

I'm so glad you found me on here.  And that you understand.  I am so much in pain from my mums hate towards me and anger towards me when I told her I was abused.  I can't write much now I need to go to work, so I will come back on tonight and write to you more.  Or even find the thread that I started ages ago about me.

This is the hardest thing to deal with - rejection and abandonment by your own mum.  I don't know if i will ever get over it.  I'm sorry i am crying, i really need to go.

Back on tonight. xx