14th year house bound

[Jacques]

Hi My angel,

I didn't think you would ssleep last night, too much on your mind.  I am glad you went to the house, i hope you got some time to sit on the pourch, grounding techniques.

I can understand Karen, with all you have been through lately, i so understand how low and disjointed you are, it is your mind and body protecting it's self, just give it time to calm down.

Well today, not a lot, i had to go pay some bills because mum was unable to, and i did some test fitting of the underlay to make sure i have it right. other than that, not alot.

I am ok, a little shaken from last night, and someone i used to know came past my home today, it has unsettled me a little bit.

Sorry Karen, i am going to have to watch, i have almost a compultion to, it takes it out of me, but i need to see how those places are like.  Please don't watch Karen, you really need rest tonight, this will upset you.

Sorry i have been a little quiet today, just feeling like you a bit disjointed.

[hiddenite]

I'll be watching too j I need to see what happens.

I'm sorry you are struggling too I haven't been online either. 

I had a man come to the house today to quote on 're stumping, it was a lot more than I had expected.

Are you prepared to watch the show tonight Jacques?

I know they are going to show ECT. That's going to be really confronting.

I like the idea of going outside and taking deep breathes.

Jacques you don't have to talk to me if you don't feel like it I understand.

Please take care tonight and stay safe.

Karen

[Jacques]

Hi my angel, I am so proud of you, it must have been tough to have a man come and do the quote, but you did it, a big virtual hug, I am so proud of you.

Yes to get stumping done is expensive, but on the upside it is only a 1 off cost.

I really don't know Karen, I thought I was prepared last night, but it hit me like a tone of bricks, that man is so much like me, it is so scary

Karen it does help stepping outside if only for a moment, the fresh air does help.

Karen I am always wanting to talk to you, you have no idea how many times I check my phone each day to see if you have posted something. I feel so lost when I am not talking to you.

I will be on here all night, I am out the shed at the moment, but will pack up and go I side in about 1 hour. Please stay safe Karen.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Jacques at least you have your safe place, a hot shower.....

It's the first thing I did when I got home tonight, the girls had a bath and I had a hot shower. 

I missed you today j.

At least the man was nice and I didn't have to see him for long.

You must have the neatest shed in town Jacques:-)

[Jacques]

Karen, you have to have some safe place? the car, the bathroom, your bedroom, your girls?

Good girl Karen, their is nothing like a shower, it is the only part of the day now i look forward to.

I missed you too Karen, i was really worried you where not doing good, i know when you go quiet it either means you are busy or feeling upset.

I am glad the man was nice, and i really hope he can do a better deal, their are some good men out their Karen, try not to judge, i know it is hard with your past experiances, but try not to judge straight away.

Oh yes Karen, my OCD you should see my shed, OMG i can't even stand the smallest bit of saw dust, every afternoon it gets cleaned.  some of mum's friends are so envious of the shed.

[NikNik]

Hi J & K,

I'm here tonight 🙂

Karen, I like your suggestion of how to look after yourselves tonight. It's a shame there are no ad breaks in the show to trigger you to go outside to take a breather!

J - I sense what Karen is wanting to know from you is whether you will commit to an act of self care tonight after the show. (sorry if I put words in your mouth Karen.. maybe it's just me who wants to know 🙂 )

Loved the image you uploaded this morning Jacques! Made me go out and enjoy the brief sunshine we had today.

K - sounds like things are progressing on the house. I think I've missed a few posts - what part of the house are you focusing on at the moment. Last I recall you were pulling up carpets!

[Jacques]

Hi @NikNik, i don't know if i will be able to commit to self care, SH is all i know how to cope,, maybe talking to you and Karen might help fight the urge to SH.

I was shaking so bad last night, i think tonight is going to be the same, the anticipation is already building.

Speak to you throught the show if you guys are online.

[hiddenite]

Hi Nik

I'm pulling out the bathrooms this week. It's a huge job.

Your not putting words into my mouth Nik, you put what I was trying to say perfectly.

I know Jacques has the tools to keep himself grounded and in the present. We discuss grounding techniques often, I just hope that j can persist when things are overwhelming.

I care about him and hate to think of him struggling.

Karen

[hiddenite]

Jacques you must be so proud of your shed:-)

No safe place for me not even the car, I can't find peace anywhere

[hiddenite]

I understand j I'm scared of seeing the ECT because it's been suggested for me, but I'm too scared of what will happen.

I've been so low today I really didn't think it was possible to feel any worse.

Anyway Jacques take care and don't forget to breathe!!