Welcome! Introduce yourself here 🙂

[Kelly8]

Hi @Beachboots ,

Just checking in, I hope you're doing better. 

I have just gotten back from spending two days camping with my friends family.

I am teary again because my sleep was messed up for the last two nights. Hoping tonight I can be more settled.

What TV show do you tune out to before sleeping?

[Beachboots]

Hi @Kelly8 i’m sorry to hear you’re teary again. Is talking to someone helping? How is work going? Camping sounds fun though, it’s always so important to get out amongst people and not isolate.

I like arrested development and parks and recreation as my night time comfort tv shows. Sometimes also the office. My TV has a picture-off mode so it only plays the audio which is great for night time!

At the moment i’m going in and out of feeling extremely anxious, trying my best to cut down on my unhealthy coping mechanisms.

[SanSan]

Hi 👋

I was diagnosed last week with BPD and I was quite surprised to find "it finally has a name!"

It's bizarre. I've known now for six days an answer to an internal question I've asked myself since I was 12. A question I perceive we've all asked of ourselves - "WTF?"

And it's been the most levelled week of my adult life. "Is it ok to feel this calm about it?" I ask; to which my most obvious replies are "why not?" and "why shouldn't it?

"I've spent my life NOT feeling this calm about things so WTF should I not feel finally calm for a while?"

As I'm introducing myself here one of my rescue cats - Charlie, pitch black ("slow, black, crowblack, fishingboat-bobbing sea") - is at my feet, seeking peace and calm and body heat. We've been together for two years now which makes him about 7and a bit and I can't begin to imagine the trauma he went through for those first 5 years as his PTSD is like I've never seen.

"He's a cat" I think; "I most definitely need him more than he needs me" as I bury my face in his fur, eyes closed.

So hello, my name is S_

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing @SanSan !

It seems like you are facing what many have also experienced with a BPD diagnosis. 

BPD is not normally diagnosed until late teens or early adulthood.

You can have a look at some of our BPD threads if you want:

1) Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

2) Topic Tuesday// Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Week 2022: 'See The Person'// Tues 27th Se... 

3) Topic Tuesday // Supporting loved ones living with BPD // Tuesday 25th January, 7pm-8:30pm AEDT 

I hope you will be able to connect with others who have had similar experiences to you.

Tagging @BPDSurvivor 

Look forward to seeing you around,

tyme

4)

[SanSan]

Thank you

[Judi9877]

Hi there @SanSan and welcome to the forums. I see that you’ve already met @tyme which is great as they’re a great person here on the forums. I also read that you have BPD which is a condition I also have along with schizophrenia and depression as other mental illnesses. 

I’ll be honest and say that out of all my illnesses, the BPD diagnosis is the hardest one I’ve dealt with because of the stigma attached to it, especially when I’ve had to deal with some medical professionals in hospital as they seem to have a preconceived idea of the condition and won’t accept that you might not be entirely everything they believe and see. I know I’m more than my BPD and that I’m a unique and special person who is worthy of friendships, relationships and of life in general and that’s what keeps me going at times when things happen get tough. I just have a unique way of dealing with people and emotions which is something that can be bothersome at times to others who don’t know or understand the condition but it’s just who I am and I have to accept this. 

It’s perfectly understandable for you to feel calm and settled after getting the diagnosis of BPD as now you can look into the condition more and try and learn to understand who and what you are. You’ll learn different strategies and what’s good for you and what isn’t and asking questions here on the forums is a great way of doing this research as one way of trying to answer your questions. I know @BPDSurvivor is a great source of information and I know for myself, that stress and feeling like I’m out of control or I can’t control things makes my symptoms worse. I’ve had to learn that often, taking a step back from what’s causing me issues is often the best way forward to help me deal with issues so that can entail taking a break away from social media and calling people out of anger for example works for me. Knitting beanies and crochet are also skills and hobbies I’ve taken up to help me deal with things as well which is great as it helps calm me down and allows me to refresh and refocus on what’s going on and that’s important for be to have. I did have contact with a psychologist for a period of 12 months who had an interest in BPD and together, we learnt different coping strategies for me to implement such as the ones I’ve just mentioned.

Asking for dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) is a well known therapy for BPD that some specialists use so it may also be worth asking your GP or psychiatrist if you have one in your team for a referral for this therapy if it’s what you’re interested in. I haven’t used this therapy because of it being costly and having no access to a therapist for this treatment but I do know it does work so it may be worth looking into if it interests you. It’s just an idea I thought I’d pass on. 

Take care and I look forward to seeing you around the forums soon!

Judi9877☺️💐

[SanSan]

Hi @Judi9877, thanks for your supportive words; the calm hasn't endured I'm afraid - I'm in a fairly deep and dark place right now and I know I need to ride it out while battling the requests to self-harm.

I have drawing and painting as my happy spaces (I'm an artist) and yes - you're correct - having creative expression is a valuable tool to employ; but when I get this dark, with the sense of self-loathing and lack of reason to be, it becomes impossible to engage those spaces.

I was told about DBT and thank you for mentioning it.

It seems I've had BPD, albeit unwittingly, since around 12 and during an extremely traumatic childhood and I guess the recently enjoyed peace befits our need to categorise, to label, to box. But it had been a few days that I was happy to hold and now, well, it's just one other part of the cyclical whole.

Thank you.

[lb_89]

Hello.

I've seen so many posts about SANE across all the social networks I'm a part of and now seemed the right time to sign up. 

I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was very young. I've had my ADHD diagnosis for about 8 years, but had to stop treatment when I was getting ready to get pregnant and during my pregnancy, as well as up to now, almost 12 months later as I've been breastfeeding. I also have PTSD due to some not insignificant trauma in my life.

I struggled with postpartum depression and psychosis (some of the symptoms of which were very new and scary to me) and finally, now, after struggling quietly for some time and focusing on just 'getting by' I've found myself back working with the acute care team here, with an OCD diagnosis and trying to get all my support systems back in place.

It's been a really intense month, with not too many people to talk to who understand or who I'm not scared of upsetting or alarming with my candor surrounding my mental health. I'm just really used to this right now, but I admit lately there's been a feeling of helplessness I wasn't prepared for. 

I'm linking in with the support I need now and I can see a way forward - I'm not going to say I'm optimistic, so much as I have a focus. Tasks and steps to complete to get me through the next few weeks, months - wherever. But I know that every little extra bit of help counts. So here I am.

I like being able to use my experiences to help others and I find that constant reminder that I'm not alone in this, that it's a struggle that others are familiar with, makes me feel less like I'm this terrible, chaotic person. 

I'm 32. My son is almost 11 months old. I want to get help because of him, for him - not as much for myself yet. I want to get to the point where I want that help, that care for me, because I feel as though I'm worth it. But for now, if all I have to go off is that I want to set the best precedent for him, that seeking help is important and nothing to be ashamed of - then that's enough. Everything else, I think, will come in time.

[tyme]

That's incredible. Thank you for sharing @lb_89  and a very warm welcome to you.

It is so good to see you reaching out, even if, for the time being it is for your son. 

I hope you find the supports you are looking for on the forums. Do you have any particular interests so I can direct you to relevant threads?

Otherwise we have:

1) Mindful Mondays: New activity every Monday 

2) Daily Achievements! 

3) Share a cuppa? 

4) Good Morning 

I look forward to seeing you around,

tyme

[maddison]

Welcome @lb_89 that's awesome you found us.

What I'm hearing is that although you don't have confidence or that scary word 'optimism' yet... You do feel more in charge that you have taken steps.

I love how articulate and candid you are about your experience - I get too that it can be confronting for others to witness your candor at times.

Not here😊

When you mentioned the new symptoms with post partum & how that was scary - It totally made sense to me. (Not the post partum bit - sorry I don't have that experience) We adjust to symptoms, we know - even if they are really hard. New ones are confusing and effect us on all different levels.

You must be very strong & resourceful to have found a way thru.

I'm just really used to this right now, but I admit lately there's been a feeling of helplessness I wasn't prepared for. 

I personally find your insight to be impressive.

It sounds like you have overcome SO much...& Now yet another thing, pops up. 

Congratulations on your 11th month old son. I love babies! I'm completely ignorant to the hard work & huge emotional, mental, spiritual toll (& gifts) having a little baby must bring.

I appreciate your honesty that you are taking steps for him now - not for you. I'm sensing you want to be doing it for you too ..& that, that is your ultimate goal... Not there quite yet. 

It's hard. All we can do is what we can do  And that is perfectly ok💚

There are lots of people to talk to here.

It took me a long time before I could find best way to use these forums for me.

You can always start a discussion on the from page - even if you only want to vent. 

@tyme provided good links for you look at it you are interested.

Thankyou for sharing your story (so clearly! 💜) And being brave & reaching out. 

@Shaz51💜 (could U please help me tag any other members) @hanami @Daisydreamer