Severe Grief

[Krysyal63]

Hi everyone, im new to the group. My Dear Dad passed from oseophigal cancer 6 months ago and my world is practically standing still. We were super close and I struggle every day and night without him. I cry and cry and am so fatigued and uninterested in life, im nauseous at times too. I have anxiety and health anxiety too. I just cant come to terms with never seeing my dad again, I play all the songs from his wake and go over and over his illness all the time. Ive lived with my parents 9 years looking after them and now with dad gone life is unbearable.  Is it natural after 6 months to be so fatigued and uninterested in life? My dad was my world, I just dont know what to do, I feel I must have something bad wrong with me too, im so lost, please help! Thank you 

[RadAcceptance20]

Hi there — I’m really glad you reached out, even though I’m so sorry it’s under such painful circumstances. 💛

What you’re describing is a very real and very heavy grief response, especially after losing someone you were deeply bonded to and cared for every day. Six months is still early when the loss is this profound. Grief isn’t linear, and it doesn’t follow a timetable.

To answer your question directly: yes, it can be completely natural at six months to feel exhausted, uninterested in life, anxious, nauseous, and stuck in replaying memories — particularly when:

• your dad was your emotional anchor and “world”

• you lived together and were a caregiver

• the illness and decline were traumatic

• you already struggle with anxiety/health anxiety

Your body and mind have been under long-term stress, and grief can show up physically as well as emotionally. Fatigue, nausea, anxiety, brain fog, and lack of interest don’t mean there’s something “bad” wrong with you — they are common in deep bereavement. That said, they do deserve care and support.

A few gentle things to keep in mind:

• Replaying his illness and the wake music over and over is a sign your brain is trying to process emotion.

• Feeling unable to accept “never seeing him again” is one of the hardest parts of grief — acceptance often comes much later, in tiny pieces.

• Losing a parent who felt like safety and home can make the world feel unbearable and unsafe. That doesn’t mean it will always feel this way.

As a moderator, I want to say this clearly and kindly:
You do not have to carry this alone.
Many people in situations like yours benefit from:

• grief or bereavement counselling (especially someone experienced with caregiver loss)

• speaking with a GP about the physical symptoms and anxiety

• gentle grounding routines (very small steps — not “moving on”)

Please be patient with yourself. Nothing about what you wrote sounds weak, broken, or abnormal — it sounds like someone who loved deeply and is hurting deeply.

You’re among people who understand. Thank you for trusting us with your story. 💙

[TeaPositive]

Hello @Krysyal63, welcome and thank you for sharing some of your experience. I grew up with my grandmother since I was born and spent most of my life with her until her death from cancer. It makes total sense that it would feel like your every day and night without him would be a struggle, he was your Dad after all. A part of what you've expressed shows that maybe you are concerned and worried about the fatigue and disinterested in life you're experiencing, as well as the nausea and anxiety.  It can take time to process, to grieve, to adjust to never seeing someone again. I wonder if you might be able and willing to talk with a GP or a counsellor about this? Sometimes we need help to deal with grief when we are feeling lost, overwhelmed or stuck - there is nothing wrong or bad with reaching out for help, you have posted here which is maybe a small step to find out what you might need to support you a little more. Please continue to reach out as you need, as well as any recommendations that @RadAcceptance20 posted which might be helpful for you at the moment.

[Appleblossom]

@Krysyal63 

I am sorry you lost your dad. I wonder if you have a few ways to let your grief unwind. Eg through photos or a treasured object or a little kind of altar as well as the music. Sometimes we feel a guilt about getting on with our own life, it can be hard to let go and do things for yourself. You can return to honouring them regularly as you feel the need. There could also be a form of grief for yourself as you sacrificed a lot of your time to caring. Somehow is it possible to find a way to care for yourself, and find new purpose and activities?  There is no set timeline to grieve as you and your father are unique.

i am glad a couple of forum people responded.

@TeaPositive @RadAcceptance20 

[Cat34]

Hi, 

It's really good that you reached out and heard how other people have managed loss and grief.

A grief counsellor sounds like a really good idea to see.

I have some understanding of what you are experiencing.

I won't write much. You have made a step in the healing journey, and that's fantastic.

Maybe doing guided meditations, yoga, art therapy, and going for walks may help you.

Be around nature.

Writing on paper and expressing your emotions.

Sorry to hear of the loss of your father.

from cat34

[MJG017]

I'm sorry to hear about your dad @Krysyal63.  I can't add much to the advice posted already other than to say the Cancer Council have free counseling, not just for people with cancer, but for carers and loved ones of those supporting and dealing with the grief of losing someone to cancer.  I've found them very helpful and understanding so far.

[TheStars]

I lost a few people close to me in quick succession including my beautiful son, last year. Grief is a different path for everyone, there is no right or wrong way to do it. But I found, for myself, talking to my son through all the different emotions I was having helped. I also discovered the forever family foundation, it's in America but I primarily used them as a source for reading materials. If you like to read books at all I can recommend the book Signs by Laura Lynne Jackson as a good starting point. I also used the other services the forever family foundation, curate, I suppose would be an appropriate word. In my belief, I understand death is only sad for those of us left behind. You're dad hasn't left you, he's still there and loves you as much as he ever did. You might have some problems hearing and feeling his love though, because you are deeply grieving. I hope you are taking time for yourself, ensuring you eat and exercise and practise showing kindness to yourself. It might be beneficial to speak to a grief counsellor also. I've never commented on this forum before I have only just stumbled across it looking for resources for a different topic,  but I saw your message so I thought I'd register and leave you a message. Grief can be a long and lonely process but you're not on your own. Seek out other people who can help you and other people who understand your loss. Much love to you.

[Mindee]

HI @TheStars 

welcome to the forums - it is so brave to engage and share your thoughts on grief, given you have been processing your own grief.

The forums are a great place to share and grow through many areas.

thanks again for joining

Mindee

[Krysyal63]

Hi, oh bless you for reading my post and answering. I’m so very sorry for your losses, my Dad was sick for a year and it was the saddest year of my life, but when he passed I never imagined the pain would be so unbearable. My Dad was my everything, I just want him back but that can’t happen. Only today I saw a psychologist and I’m seeing her again, she said I’ve got the trauma to get over, eg, my Dad saying….finish me, as he was in such pain, my Dad who was a strong loving man laying in his bed crying which was something I’d never seen before, my Dad not knowing where his bathroom or bedroom were in his own home absolutely broke my heart,he’d lived in this house 50+years, we kept Dad at home until the last 4 days as he got pneumonia on top of his cancer so I tried my hardest to fulfill his wishes. I’ve lived with mum and dad 9 years now caring for them.  Dad told me as he lay in hospital, “I’ve got a horrible feeling I’m not coming home from here”, I said “of course you are, we just need to get this infection under control and you will be home”, so I lied to him which is something I torture myself over over and over again. Long story short I didn’t leave his side and 2 days before dad passed he had a bad night and said to me the next morning “everytime I opened my eyes last night I saw your face” I said, “I told you you I wasn’t leaving you” and to be honest, that’s all that’s keeping me going. I just have to take each day as it comes but will never be the same person, nor do I even want to be, it’s just all so gut wrenching as you know. Thank you again, my love and hugs to you xx