Hey buddy, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I'm not sure I have the best advice, I am just embarking on my second divorce 😕 both very different situations but both complicated and painful. I am making mistakes at work (new job so that's not great!) and find it hard to focus,
It is a super sad, painful time, and it's normal to feel sad, disappointed, confused. It's REALLY good for you to have a cry, it makes you feel better and is really beneficial. I hope that you have a good GP or other supports if you feel so down nothing cheers you up, feel utterly hopeless etc, and can reach out for help. I reckon some contributors on here will have some excellent resources and suggestions 🙂
For me it's been helpful to have both short and long term goals to focus on. That really sounds like counsellor speak haha but it is legitimately helpful to me!
I have used EAP as well, and same experience; it wasn't really anything new. I have found having a counsellor (6 free or cheap sessions with Relationships Australia, or SANE!) has been helpful to just have someone listen and validate what I have experienced and how I feel.
I am still living with my ex who has extreme mental health issues and is NOT coping, their two boys half time and my own two kids (all teens), so life has to go on.
Short term some goals I have (before I move out in about 6 months) are about my hobbies and helping myself survive the next 6 months. Giving a bit more attention to things I should have done for a long time.
Cuttings of the plants I can't move and digging up those I can, cull all my junk rather than moving it, and some other tasks to help my ex manage the giant house and garden.
Walking my dogs every day has helped a LOT; one is a pup so I really have to pay attention or I'll trip over the two leads haha but it's very mindful, especially leaving my phone in my pocket, plus they are an absolute delight (the puppy looks like a spring lamb leaping around). It took me a while to realise how immersive it is, how simple but immersive. If you have a friend with a dog, maybe give it a try as they are inquisitive and a balm to the soul.
I have two teens as well, and doing stuff with them has been really great (i always do, but more so now I don't have to juggle my ex and their non-involved teens); collecting moss with my youngest, going to the beach with my eldest, making meals together, working in the garden with my youngest. It is all stuff we have always done but I've been purposefully far more immersed, phone off, focussed as much as I can.
Work that keeps my hands busy (I paint, love making miniature things, am learning to whittle!) also seems to keep my head busy with good things some of the time at least. I read books at night as I find gaming allows my mind to wander to the current chaos of my ex, which is not conducive to sleep.
My long term goals are about re-establishing my garden in a new house, my career (just been seconded into a role I want to keep), getting into the habit of stretching and/or tai chi each day (so far, I am on day zero hahahah I have ADHD so it's tricky, especially in a very messy separation with someone very unwell).
Anyway. I hope some of that helps. It is a hard time and having done this before, it does get better, those happy moments turn into hours, then large parts of your day until you adapt to this new life 🙂
