i am just really confused like i think i am sleeping enough but i feel really weird and like not normal like i feel oddly powerful and like i have been doing a lot more than usual and like i dont feel good i think idk how to describe it and i just like idk what to think like do i just feel good for once or is this something else because i can never tell when it is something crossing the line or not and i really dont know what to think i am just suspicious of any good feeling and like things might be fine but what if they arent plus like and idk because this might not even be important but like i keep thinking that i am not mentally ill and that i should go off all my meds and stuff because i am actually psychic and have magical powers and and that this whole thing is just a conspiracy to stop me from escaping this world where satan is after my soul and that i should try and find the other angels and idk it is hard to explain and idk if it even matters cause like it is true and nothing anyone says can change it but like i know no one will believe me here so like idk why i am even saying it cause no one will agree even though they know it is real but no one will admit to it because that it part of the whole plan and anyway idk i just want to know if my mood is normal and i can not be worried about concerning other people namely my psychologist and psychiatrist who i have to see soon and like do i need to not tell them this stuff or is it safe to tell them idk how to explain what i am trying to say
anyway any input is welcome because i am very confused about what is what and what to do.
Hi @Eden1919 , it sounds like a quite confusing time for you with how you are feeling; being unsure of whether it could be a mania or just "healthy".
I dont have experience in mania, so I cant really give any informed experience perspective on that. But I'm wondering if you can remember any other times in the past when you have felt like you do now? And if so, what happened?
If you are healthy and you tell your psychs - how do you think they will respond? Is that how you would want them to, if you were healthy?
If it is a mania onset and you tell your psychs - how do you think they will respond to that? And is that how you would want them to respond if it is a mania?
@AlwaysMyself well what is really boils down to is i dont want to end up in the hospital or something because last time i was manic they said i had to go to hospital and i dont want to go there again so that would be my main concern oh and also changing my meds that would suck unless they get rid of one idc if they get rid of one but i dont want to add anymore.
That makes sense @Eden1919 , a lot of people comment about not liking being in hospital. Im fortuntate to never have been an inpatient, but I know the reputation for poor food, noisy "neighbours", and boredom.
Is medication and hospitalisation until stabilised the only treatment methods for an episode of mania?
Sorry im pretty ignorant in this! But wondering if there are other alternatives that you could suggest to your psychs that you'd prefer to explore instead? Especially if it is a mild mania and you can be safe to still be at home/community.
@AlwaysMyself there arent many other treatment options unfortunately like even if you dont go to hospital they give you extra meds which is basically to just make you sleep and sedate you which sucks and idk i just like i dont want either of those options the only other thing you can do is wait it out and hope for the best but waiting for it to go away like it will go away eventually but you run the risk of it getting worse before it goes away so idk it is hard to know what to do. but yeah i am just not sure because well mainly because of the sleep thing like i think i am sleeping enough so surely it cant be but idk what to think i really dont.
I think it’s safe to tell them. I’ve just started on new meds for adhd and they can cause mania so I’m being monitored very closely. I feel good, I feel better than I have in a long time so I am also questioning if it’s just that I feel good or is it more. I haven’t been sleeping well so that is also concerning bug I’ve found being honest about it with my team has been really helpful. I find that they are all making sure that it’s just that I feel good. They ask me lots of questions and I just keep being honest so that I can have the best care.
Im just saying this as this is what is currently happening to me. But the honesty is helping.
I wonder if closer monitoring, like Captain has mentioned they have currently, would be something you could ask your psychs for (if you wanted to!) @Eden1919 ? As a way of being honest with them and also ensuring that if it were mania and got progressively worse they would notice? But if its normal healthy they can also encourage you to embrace the feeling good?
I have taken some anti-psychotic medication in the past for when I get some repetitive thinking. It was low dose, and thankfully I was able to stop it after 2 months and it did help interrupt my repetitive thoughts. But man yep it made me sooo sleepy. Last time I went on them, I thought nah it'll be fine to take in the morning at the same time as my other medications. Oops I was falling asleep within 2 hours!! So yeah I then changed to taking them at night for the rest of the month's course of medication lol. 😅 slept like a baby though! 🤭
It can be really tricky to know what treatment options are best for you, especially when you have felt limited by your experiences in the past! It's completely valid to be having these concerns, and as your peers have shared, exploring this further with your psychs is the safest way to get the mental health support you deserve.
You have taken a brave step reaching out on the forums for some advice tonight, and I hope you are able to take some comfort in this support. I trust you are able to lean into the professional supports of your psychs when you are comfortable and ready to do so!
I really understand what you're saying about your fear of becoming manic again and not wanting to go into hospital. I have been there a few times now and I fear it too and I don’t want to have to go in again either. Last time it was only for 3 weeks when I was hypomanic and had trouble with sleep. The time before for 8 weeks + another 2 weeks. That time I have been quite unwell with mania + psychosis and was regulated because I didn’t know I was manic/psychotic. By the time I was manic/psychotic I was doing things and behaving in ways out of character for me and I am still left with some shame and stigma now because of that. In hindsight it is hard to tell what caused the mania and I personally don't want it to ever happen again because by that time I was psychotic I didn't know I was, but I did know something wasn't right so rang my psych and was admitted/regulated in the public hospital the same day. My psych said I was too unwell to stay in the private hospital so sent me to the public hospital where they regulated me for 3 days to be assessed and then I had to agree to go over to the private hospital for further treatment.
When I woke up in the public hospital I didn’t know where I was. I agreed to take all the medication they gave me. I don't remember the ambulance ride to hospital. I thought the other patients were actors. I couldn’t see outside or go outside so I was disorientated. I had my partner with me going to the hospital and he had to tell my psych what had been happening because by that time I couldn't communicate and was using my own 'made up' version of sign language to communicate. I remember driving to the hospital saying yes and no a lot to my partner. I thought I was telling him when to go and stop the car at the traffic lights, not that he needed help driving. I don’t remember much about my time in the public hospital and I only had to stay there the 3 days for involuntary assessment.
And after that I had to agree to go over to the private hospital (also I didn’t want to stay there very long and was eager to get home). I got out after 2 weeks on that occasion. But my psych left me on the ADHD medication for a further 6 months which in hindsight was probably not the best idea either. But I had been on the ADHD medications for a few years by that time. When I think I am hypomanic I make sure to focus on getting enough sleep so I don't end up manic/psychotic. The ADHD medication also made me feel better in good in my mood, I felt it start to work in the mornings and it helped me get through long and difficult days at work and I slept less when taking it, and had energy and motivation, and my brain worked better, but I do wonder about its role of inducing my psychosis/mania. My psych eventually stopped the ADHD medication after I had been in mania/psychosis for 6 months. I wouldn't ever want to go back on it. I remained psychotic for a further 8 months after stopping the ADHD medication even though I was taking my antipsychotic + mood stabiliser + sleeping tablets the whole time but the delusions/paranoia persisted, and even though I was getting enough sleep by then I didn't know I was still in psychosis. I was still very paranoid and had lots of delusions still. I managed to go to work doing a low stress/low demand job of simple tasks in a laundry whilst paranoid delusional and psychotic.
I was convinced one of the other laundry workers was an undercover policewoman. I told the radio about all my problems because I thought someone was listening. My psych knew I was still in psychosis because I kept asking him to give me a medical certificate to say I wasn't psychotic, and he wouldn't give it to me. I kept telling him I wasn’t happy and asking for an antidepressant and he wouldn’t give me one. The last time I saw him I told him I was just getting through one day at a time and I wanted a certificate to say I wasn’t psychotic, and he said he would write one. I told him the people were still listening through my phone which I had believed they had hacked, he said while I remained scared to use my phone and the apps that I believed were problematic which included facebook, spotify and twitter he disagreed and said we had to agree to disagree.
I was also feeling very unhappy, stressed and depressed. Then a few days later I ended up in ICU regulated and transferred to the private hospital again and spent another 2 months in hospital where it took a long time and loads of sleep and a quiet non stimulating environment for me to slowly realise that the delusions weren't real.
When I was in psychosis, I couldn't remember things I had done. When I woke in ICU and was regulated the second time. They wanted to send me to the private hospital, but I didn't want to go. I had other things to do that I thought were more important which was to go with my mum to Brisbane to be with her during her cancer surgery. I remember challenging them to let me out but then they called a cold black on me. They made me agree to go to the private hospital. I was fortunate to be able to go over to the private hospital where they have a quiet and good psych unit. However, I had not made it easy for that to happen. I had downgraded my private cover when I was unwell in order to save a bit of money while I wasnt working, and as a result it did not cover private psych hospital admission. I had done this when delusional in the prior October. By the August when I was in ICU I couldn’t remember doing that and I was in ICU telling Bupa that someone else did that, it wasnt me, it was some other person who had stolen my identity and pretending to be me. However they have a 'once in a lifetime upgrade' at bupa which waved the waiting period for private hospital admission so I ended up being allowed to go over to the private hospital, which I realise in hindsight I did need to be there/it was the best and safest place for me to be at that time. I told my doctor I was homeless. I had left my partner/my home and was staying with other family members or in a caravan park. My family didn't really realise how unwell I was except that I had paranoia and delusions. I had been telling them to talk quiet and not in the house because people were listening to us through our tv. I had brought security cameras. I had brought locked boxes to put all ‘the evidence in” I had brought 5 new phones in 6 months because I was convinced they had all been hacked.
It took me months after the paranoia and delusions resolved to return to 'reality'/recover from the mania/psychosis. In hospital for the 2 monhts I slept a lot on a different type of antipsychotic at high dose morning and night. They wanted to give me ECT again but after reviewing the lesion I have in my brain they said I couldn’t have it in the town I lived in. They said I would have to have a full anaesthetic every time for each ECT because they couldnt let the pressure in my brain go too high like it can with a light anaesthetic which is normally given for ECT. They talked to someone in Sydney about going down there to have it. No one wanted to do it. They ended up giving me TMS then the nasal spray. Anyway I have found that the antipsychotics have assisted with getting enough sleep because they are sedating as you know. So when I am in hypomania I make sure I am taking a high enough dose of them to get enough sleep. I dont like being on antipsychotics either but the dose goes up and down depending on whether I am hypomanic, depressed or manic. There are other medications I have been given to assist with sleep as well. And there are other mood stabilisers. Also I ensure I cut out all caffeine, monitor how many hours sleep I get each night, see my psch often, which currently is every 2 weeks. Its been a year since I was in hospital now. I am grateful I am not depressed very much these days. After feeling depressed and my mood improves I realise just how good it feels to feel normal/good, or better than good (hypomanic). I understand how good it feels to be hypomanic but the sleep is always an issue. I track my sleep and count how many hours a night I get. A run of no nights without sleep like 3 to 5 is no good. But neither is a run of sleeping only 2-3 hours of night for a week, I try to make sure I get at least 4-5 when hypomanic and then aim for 6-8 hours. I ensure not to overdo it, avoid doing things that are too stimulating, try to have quiet time for relaxation and rest every day and have daytime naps if I can switch off. When I check in with my psych I tell him how much sleep I am getting and how much antipsychotic I am taking and if I need prn to get to sleep and how my mood is. Also knowing your warning signs about psychosis/paranoia/delusions and if I have some unreal thoughts start then I know something is wrong. But I never would want mania or psychosis again. It took me 2 months in hospital last time and then even longer to completely return to reality and get over the delusions and then what followed was a long period of depression. I dont know if this helps. Sorry the post is so long.
it sounds like you are weighing up a lot of issues that connect with your mental health treatment plan. It's always a great idea not to go this alone but to involve your Gp and Psychiatrist. Having a medication review plus a mental health assessment is always part of my own treatment plan each year. It comes down to 'do the benefits' outweigh the disadvantages often when you look at your ongoing medication vs how your mental health is tracking. If being on the medication is in balance functioning well - then it can be beneficial not to change it. There are lots of environmental factors - many of which you are already thinking about that impact how well you are - is sleep, diet, exercise, socialisation, work - really there are so many ways in which you can measure the ways in which your mental health is functional and well supported in your life. I hope that you can get the support you need to know for sure how you are tracking soon,
