Lived Experience Forum

[Mbe3]

Hi, I’ve had pretty bad anxiety for as l can remember. I think it’s bordering being obsessive compulsive. This is going to be a long post but I need reassurance that this is all my anxiety and I’m not a terrible person. I’m 21 and I have a 6 month old daughter and a partner and we are in a happy relationship (for new parents at least). My anxiety became too much when I was pregnant, always obsessing over whether I loved my partner enough (deep down I know I do) but i couldn’t stop the thoughts. I ended up beginning therapy. My anxiety pretty much completely subsided when my daughter arrived, I was relaxed and for the most part I felt like I was a natural at being a mother. That lasted about 4 months until my daughter started waking frequently during the night. I was exhausted and started overthinking everything I was doing with her. It got to the point that when i went to speak to her or play with her I was thinking about it so much beforehand that I’d make myself nervous and couldn’t act naturally anymore. This has continued on the last two months. Then I started obsessing over getting a good nights sleep (everything will be better if I get some sleep etc) that I would get so anxious that I’d be awake for hours on end, putting pressure on myself to sleep. The anxiety has come back about if I love my partner, and now it’s also focusing on if I love my daughter. It is painful because deep down I know how much I love them. I started obsesing over the thought that somehow I’ll end up killing myself against my will. So pretty much this anxiety has taken everything from me that I love & enjoy (sleep, my daughter, my partner and worried that it’ll take my life). All I want is to be able to relax and enjoy my beautiful little family. It is getting me so down. My doctor has started me on 50mg of an antidepressant a little over 3 weeks ago but I’m not noticing much of a difference yet. I guess I just need to know that these thoughts are just my anxiety. Even though you may think they’re ridiculous yourself anxiety blurs things and makes you believe it’s the truth..

If you’ve read all of this thanks so much!

[Chamomile]

Hi @Mbe3,

Welcome to the forums. Thanks for having the courage to be so honest and open about what you are going through. Anxiety can truly play havoc with our sense of what is real and what is imagined, create all kinds of intrusive thoughts and cause us to doubt the things that we would normally take for granted. You mentioned wanting reassurance that the thoughts that you are having are stemming from anxiety and not from something deeper. From where I'm sitting, it certainly sounds as though as anxiety is the culprit here.

Having struggled with anxiety on and off for such a long time, I'm wondering if you have ever considered getting professional treatment? The right support can make a huge difference!

All the best,

Chamomile.