Lived Experience Forum

[Shasan]

Hi dear forum members,

Hope you've been well. 

I'm about to launch something I've been working on for a couple of years. There's quite a lot at stake and understandably, I feel nervous and anxious to go ahead and do it. 

I was alright with the website launch but announcing it on social media to my personal network is just becoming a very uncomfortable experience, but I have to do it anyway, for the sake of my business. 

It's very interesting that opinions matter to me but only from ppl I know! Especially a few faces popping up - I've put it down to fear of judgement, abandonment and fear of failing proving the naysayers. 

I want to love this journey and feel so proud of myself. I've worked very hard and emotionally I've given it everything I've got. I just wish my mind and the scared parts of me let me do this and enjoy the journey - I feel very dissociated because I'm doing all the steps but it feels like I'm doing it for someone else. 

I have friends and family who are very supportive but I just feel good hearing them in the moment and next, it's back to self-doubt and worry. I wish I believed everything they're telling me, I do desperately want to. I want to be humble but I also want to know how good I'm. 

The anxiety or depression or whatever this is is robbing me of experiencing this momentous occasion. When I should be overjoyed, I just feel overwhelmed 😞 I don't know what to do.

Help.

[hanami]

Oh @Shasan I could have written this! 

Some years ago I was in a similar position and your feelings were just like mine. I have no amazing advice but I do want to say that I think you're awesome and deserve all of the good that will come out of your new venture. I'M excited for you! I know I know, it's the people you know you worry about most. That's me too! I think it just means that you have the need to be thought of in high regard by those who are close to you. 

I hope some others can chime in and offer some wiser words than I have but I just want to say, go you, you've got this 😍

many hugs 

hanami 💮

[Shasan]

@hanami Aw!! That was so great to read, thank you so much.

Wow, I love hearing that need. It feels very much accurate and has a sense of closure - most times I'm ok with what's happening but I'm trying to figure out what it is and why it's happening. So there's like the thing and the analysis of that thing. So draining. 

It's very vulnerable to acknowledge that I have that need 😞 but it's real and it's there. This allows me to accept it and know that not everyone might hold me in high regard. Looks like one of my people pleasing patterns too of seeking approval and validation especially from those who haven't believed in me or aren't that compatible.

I hate that I care about what such people think of me. I don't want to. Logically I'm ok that we're not compatible. But I don't know why my heart simply can't move on :((

Thanks so much for sharing. 

[Gwynn]

@Shasan, when I feel like 'what am I even doing this for anyway', I think of myself at age 80 looking back at my life, being happy that I persevered and did the thing. I also sometimes think about me at age 8, wishing that there was a service like this for me to use.

Sometimes victory isn't someone standing on a mountain peak with a flag saying 'I did it!' Sometimes, victory is someone crawling out of a deep valley back to solid ground.

[TuxedoCat]

oh wow @Shasan what big feelings! It's totally understandable that you're feeling this way. As you said, you've worked so hard to get here! So much determination and talent ❤️  And knowing you want support and sharing your needs with us at the forum is a real show of strength ❤️ 

I'm hearing that you're scared of what people might think and I see you're trying to care less about that. WOW, that is soooo powerful and means you can be true to yourself ❤️ . I often get in the same, self-conscious thought pattern when I'm about to show off some creative things. Something I do when that happens is really focus on what I like about what I'm doing and why I love it. Maybe this would be good for you also?

And you said you have friends and family who are supportive, I bet they said the most wonderful things about you and your business. Is there a way you can use what they've said to help you?

Sending the biggest of virtual hugs,

TuxedoCat

[Mellymead]

Greetings 

The replies are so insightful and informative 

goodness I am so fortunate to have read these replies they are so kind and respectful 

thank you so very much 

[Shasan]

Thank you @TuxedoCat @Gwynn @hanami 

I'm touched by your kindness and I'm so grateful I have someone supporting me to look at this situation with a different perspective. 

Very well said and it definitely helps!! 

I'm probably experiencing a wave of depression because even though I understand all this, I'm still not able to shake off that blue, gloomy feeling. 

I just stepped outside and feel a little bit better. Your words @Gwynn about what my younger and older self would've wanted to do is a profound reminder of making the most out of the present. The answer to both those questions within me are one of pride and courage and overcoming obstacles. Thank you for lighting a gentle fire in my belly 🙂🙏🏽 

It's given me incredible insight into the "why" I'm doing this as highlighted by @TuxedoCat - It's for the little girl in me to prove to her that she shall rise, no matter what! To the older me, to reassure that I've lived my life in an authentic way, even when it was bloody hard and against the tide to do so!!

I don't know how to thank you all 😢 I'm forever in debt to you. 

Heartfelt gratitude 

[TuxedoCat]

such beautiful words @Shasan. They've brought a little tear to my eye. Thank you so much for sharing them ❤️ 

You've got this, we believe in you. And I know others are finding strength in your honesty around this too

Big hugs,

TuxedoCat

[TuxedoCat]

and @Mellymead I feel like that too! Very grateful ❤️ 

[Delicatessen]

Hi @Shasan very interesting! As someone who has lived all my life with the belief that I will fail I can relate.

I think the best you can do sometimes is thinking through all the identifiable outcomes and the (my approach) systematically eliminating all possible areas of where things can go wrong. In doing so my confidence can be picked up from the floor and I kind of have the courage to proceed.

But the fear of failure never leaves me. In the end sometimes just acknowledging you are afraid (letter to yourself to put away somewhere?) is the only thing that might help. I’m sure you’re all over it though…