Wait what did I come into this thread for again? Oh yeah, ADHD!

[greenspace]

@Jynx I relate to how helpful it is when I talk to myself, to keep focused, help to remember things, encourage myself to overcome lack of motivation. 

@AFK I also relate to the need to change the form my visual reminders take, like sticky notes, or putting a clothes peg on something so I notice it each day -- if I don't change it now and then, I stop seeing the reminder. 

And I relate to the effect of writing things down -- I see myself writing it and have the tactile experience of writing to anchor the memory. 

I take notes in courses to get that tactile/doing aspect, even if what I'm writing is also in a printed handout 

[AFK]

@greenspace, that's really interesting about you and your sister. In the case of my siblings and I (I have a brother too, undiagnosed but showing strong signs of ADHD), the written word has always been a thing of fascination. I wonder though if our heightened development in this area was also in part because we didn't fit in socially. Solitary tasks are attractive to the unpopular (mind you, I genuinely enjoy them, but it's a factor). Did you get along with other kids, or did you nosedive into books even more because there wasn't someone to talk to? (No pressure to answer that if you're not comfortable.)

Interesting too about you taking notes even when stuff is on a printed handout. I do that too but not (at least consciously) for the tactile aspect. It's more to arrange the information in a way I digest better, and highlight the bits I need most.

Kind thoughts,

AFK.

[AFK]

Hi all, 

It's been a bit quiet in here, and I just wanted to stimulate some new discussion, given just how much there is to cover. I'll keep it to one subject for now, which is:

The ADHD mind knows no peace.

Those of you who have it know what I'm talking about. Those who don't probably have no idea this is how we experience life. Inside my mind it's like having the TV and the radio on at the same time. Most of the time I can pick and choose my TV station, and turn the volume up and down as needed. But the radio! That rotten thing is on at full volume on a station I hate, and the controls are broken. It may change channel sometimes, but it's not me changing it, and it's on 24/7. Its on when I'm trying to focus on the TV (i.e. my chosen thoughts) - or the actual TV, for that matter - it's on when others are trying to communicate with me, it's on when I just want some damn quiet and a good night's sleep. Meditating? Well, it slows down the chosen thoughts about 20%...

Who can relate?

AFK.

@Jynx, @greenspace, @tyme, @Rosemary4, @Shaz51 

[greenspace]

Hi @AFK 

In reply to this:

Did you get along with other kids, or did you nosedive into books even more because there wasn't someone to talk to? (No pressure to answer that if you're not comfortable.) 

(I've forgotten how to do a quote reply, so I just copied and pasted) 

Some years in primary school I had "friends", people who would invite me to their parties and vice versa, and some years I had a real friend or two, and had a great time playing spaceships in my backyard, or watching TV at their place (we didn't have tv)

Often I was reading, at home or in the playground at school, because I *love* fiction, get so immersed in it I feel the weather that the characters in the book are feeling... 

I'm sure it was also a coping strategy, particularly at school, because of loneliness and/or bullying. 

People in novels made way more sense to me than people at school. 

Also I meant to say hyperlexia and didn't realise that autocorrect had changed that to hypermedia in my previous post 

[AFK]

Hey @greenspace ,

I copy and paste, too. It works, and I can format it how I like. Good enough.

That's a familiar story (except I didn't get invited to parties). Before I found my two fairly consistent friends a handful of years into school I spent my lunch breaks on my own, reading and/or hanging out in out-of-bounds areas (interesting how even the teachers didn't seem to notice/care where I was...).

I love fiction too, and I completely agree that the people in novels made so much sense and the real people didn't. I didn't get quite immersed enough to feel the physical things the characters were feeling as you described. Sounds delightful. For me it was really interesting to learn about how people interacted and thought, and to expand my vocabulary. I was always analysing everything I read, pulling it apart to extract every bit of meaning. Still do, which makes me an abominably slow reader, haha. Not a word is wasted, though!

I did wonder about that. Auto-correct comes up with some ridiculous stuff. My brother and I sometimes play a game of making mini stories out of what auto-correct comes up with. It's pretty funny.

AFK.

[Rosemary4]

@Jynx  & all here, thank you so much for this thread, and for being so open with your stories. I'm not formally diagnosed but relate to almost every struggle you have with this ADHD. I'm in no rush for another label but just reading here brings relief. 
Youve really helped me feel less alone with these  struggles, and not to beat myself up so much (by internalizing those criticisms like "lazy' 'undisciplined' etc.)
It's been so isolating to not function like most people out there. I too thought I had 'early onset dementia' or something, it's embarrassing to talk about to just anyone... to admid youre not functioning well with basics of life 😢
A couple of times I have bought it up with the doctor, especially forgetfulness, but they just 'flip it off' as part of my depression, anxiety, PTSD 😞 In fact, a psychiatrist I saw 10yrs ago actually told me to "concentration harder" 😕 The one person who shouldve known and had the power to investigate further but chose not to, simply added to my battles. (another 'dime-a-dozen' person jjust in-it-4-the-money. Normally I only see psychologists but back then I was so desperately not coping (with even homicidal and suicidal thoughts)- I thought i needed to go up the ladder a bit. Didn't help, it cost a fortune in gap fees I couldn't really afford, and I never felt comfe enoigh to tell her my suicidal/homicidal thoughts, the real issues in my head let alone the filunctional disorganisation (how come these people never ask how we're coping at home?), and after months she "hadn't decided yet" - what was wrong with me 😕 yet happily  stupified me on high dose meds that wiped that year. 
Telling your experience has helped, especially the strategies you've put in place to cope with the day to day little things, we automatically try finding ways to cope. It's exhausting though, seemingly having to always do things the long way round. I have had to keep a diary for many years now, re memory, apts & organising myself. Reminders and alarms in smartphones are such a godsend!
Not sure if I'm just scribing again, but my recent innovation is a hard cover A4 notebook ive called "projects, hobbies, housework & self care" I've ceated a CONTENTS page dedicating every 10th page to a category, or new chapter, like  Home management (housework+),, Self-Care (body, mind, soul, social), Music (I'm a muso, was) :face_with_rolling_eyes:

iSewng, the carh, The shed... You get the idea. Basically it's a brainstorm place, for my memory, and a journal for each project, for when I keep losing track, for those days I don't know if I'm Arthur or Mather :face_with_rolling_eyes:, those days when I ask "Now Where Was I?" There's  somewhere to go to rejoin the dots without having to start over.. feels like the book hold  my life, and seems to be reducing the forgetfulness anxiety every time I literally 'shelve'  Yep, It's my 'go to' to  find my way when I don't know what I'm doing, to organise myself better, get focused a little, bring together all the projects I'm half way through, to actually FINISH stuff! 😇

[Rosemary4]

😞 never mind

[greenspace]

Hello @Rosemary4 

I'm sorry that psychiatrist was so unhelpful to you. They may be mental health specialists, but they can be really clueless sometimes. 

And so many health professionals  -- doctors, dentists, physiotherapists, etc -- just assume that every symptom we have must be due to mental illness, instead of looking into things properly. 

Sounds like you have some good strategies for dealing with your ADHD. I really like the "projects, hobbies, housework & self care" notebook. 

[AFK]

Hey @Rosemary4 ,

I think there are a few of us here that knew we had ADHD well before we got a diagnosis. I'm one of them. 6 months or so of reading and learning and taking notes of examples of ADHD symptoms in my life to give the psychiatrist when I saw him. I'm sorry you had the experience you did with that psychiatrist - I'd had similar BS with psychologists for ages, so when I saw the psychiatrist, my jaw just about hit the floor when he actually read my notes. There are some professionals who are actually professional.

Re your internal criticisms of being "lazy" or "undisciplined" - I assure you, the struggles you're having have nothing to do with not trying hard enough! Sure we can do the thing - hold down a job, have a family, get a house, whatever the thing is. But the thing about that is, we either do it in a state of hyper-focus/hyper-fixation (i.e. we're obsessed with it and kinda tune out everything else to do it), or if it's a thing we don't love (like me doing my job, or maintaining household stuff) it's soul-destroyingly hard. I've found the things I don't love I tend to do in a bit of a haphazard manner, or if doing it right is important for whatever reason (like keeping my immune suppressed partner safe by not being sloppy with food safety - old garbage guts here could get away with it just for myself) I end up riddled with stress over that and don't exactly do my mental health any favours.

Nice work with the projects, hobbies, etc. notebook. I hope that continues to work as a go-to for you. Admittedly my attempt at same kinda got forgotten before I finished creating it... That's not to say it will happen to you. We all have our strategies and our go-tos that work for us, and others that don't. I have some success with notes in my phone, coupled with Post-it's and whiteboards around the house. Gotta change it up periodically. The point is, you'll know what works for you by trying it out.

Kind thoughts,

AFK.

[tyme]

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The point is, you'll know what works for you by trying it out.

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That's a really important point @AFK !