Lived Experience Forum

[utopia]

Woke son at 10am.  Kept going back into his room and telling him to get up. At 11am I did grocery shopping and picked up some of his school books for next year.  Got home.  He's in the shower.  The last thing he did last night was have a shower.  He hasn't done any work to need a shower. He finally gets out of shower at 11.27. 10 minutes later I go to find him because he should be out here mowing the grass.  He's got his shorts on but can't decide what T-shirt to wear.  To mow the bloody grass!!! 

Wet towel on floor.  Breakfast bowl next to bed.  I screamed at him to get out.  Go back home. My mum had rung at 11.30 to see if he'd finished the garden and she'd pick him up.  He wasn't even dressed by then. 

I can't handle his bulls hit.  His pissfarting around for 1 hour and 40 minutes.  So I was done and told him to get out. 

Worse mother in the world award,  coming to me. 

[Zoe7]

Oh shite @utopia That is hard to deal with - both his attitude and you telling him to get out. Sitting with you Hon and sending hugs your way 

[utopia]

I Just can't deal with any of it.  It takes him over an hour and a half to get up and he's still not ready yet.  I can't do that bull shite. I just don't have the patience for any of it. @Zoe7

I'm tired of everything.  Nothing is going to get better.  It's just all crap. 

[Zoe7]

There are days still that I feel the same way @utopia There was a time that you were feeling a little better. I know it is often something that we throw around but getting out and doing things - especially when you have little motivation to do them - actually helps. Have you visited your mountain recently - maybe getting back to nature will give you a little peace - even if it is just for a day.

I get how annoying your son would be for you when he can't do the simple things quickly - that would frustrate anyone.

[soul]

Hi @utopia - been following your frustration with your son. Fortunately, most teenagers do grow up and become reasonable adults. It’s just really difficult whilst they are at that infuriating stage. 

You have every right to expect that he treats you respectfully and acts responsibly. Try to approach the situation without hostility and if he becomes defensive with you, do your best to remain calm. Nothing is gained when tempers are flared. If you point out his behaviour and how it made you feel, maybe he could understand why it is upsetting you.

Keep calm and carry on - isn’t that the saying?? Easier said than done at times. Wishing you well. 

[utopia]

Don't think going to the mountain would help @Zoe7. My mood would just contaminate the place. 

[Zoe7]

Oh my beautiful cocky friend - that is not good at all. I wish I was there with you right now to drive you to the mountin myself - it might do both of us good @utopia.

Lots of hugs and heaps of these 

[soul]

A mountain trip sounds the go @utopia and @Zoe7. The view would be so much better. There’s something about being out in nature that does us good. Have had two lovely walks in a bush reserve today. 

[Appleblossom]

Tbh @utopia it is the sort of stuff I have lived with over the last 10 years and still do.  It is very frustrating.  I had to detach from it all to save my sanity.  Then periodically I spell out INTRINSIC CONSEQUENCES for the person with those behaviours, or a summation of my feelings but without heat. 

It is amazing how the young adult male of today likes to be sooooo cleeeen.

Sigh .... but not do much around to keep the place cleeeeeeen. Woman's Work Hummmph ... Sigh sigh sigh!

Eg., For today, I have stated that the kitchen and table and bench need to be cleaned before I make dinner.  It is a dinner that he likes and is simple, but by making one conditional on the other, I at least implement some order and rationality into out lives.  After that we have planned a house meeting.

I was lectured by the big sister in law who has access to my daughter that love should be conditional .... now I realise that was inlaws bs about putting me down for anything I did.  A little of being conditional may be necessary.  My love is UNCONDITIONAL tho.

My son is a lot older than yours.  Maybe there are reasons why it is the way it is.  I am not comparing, just commiserating.

I had to totally emotionally detach from the outcome to any of my requests, and in the end rarely ask. I try and get it to be, his realisation that he wants a bit of order in the place to function etc.  I have reduced my house cleanliness standards to living with young dude. We have had some good outcomes, but it has been a long haul. A magistrate indicated to me that he was aware of it as common these days. Apparently many young men are refusing to grow up, or at least dragging their feet about it.  My consolation is that the person my son may get to be, with me, accepting this as necessary for his long term development, he shows many signs that make me proud.  I just have to bide my time and be patient a bit longer.  I think the potential is worth it.

Walking along with you @utopia

[Shaz51]

Walking along with you @utopia

Mr shaz broke 3 things today -- one of those days he said

@Appleblossom, @soul, @Zoe7, @Faith-and-Hope