14th year house bound

[Former-Member]

hey @Jacques and @hiddenite hope you're ok

how are you going today?

I've had bad rage and depressive rage probs this week & my legs hurt from trying to run it off. i'm sick of feeling angry & stuck in my own angry horrible mind

it's hard, feel lonely and sad about my legs

[hiddenite]

Thats beautiful Jacques we just need to remember baby steps. One minute at a time.
my wish for you Jacques is to have the courage to tell the dr how bad the anxiety is. You wont end up in a mhu because of that. My concern is that there are so many helpful medications out there that will make your life bearable.
I have missed talking to you.
I wish I could help you feel more at ease and calm enough to sleep.
you deserve only the best.
take care and stay safe

[Jacques]

Hi @Former-Member,

Please dont take anything i say the wrong way, i am only trying to be nice, and maybe help 

I am struggling today, i am so exhausted, everyday feels exactly the same, i feel like i am on a merry go round.

I am sorry you are struggling to, i get that rage thing too, mainly angry at myself for not being able to be like normal people and do normal things.  I have been reading some of your posts, i am so sorry you where abused as a child, i was pysically abused and almost sexually abused too, it is very hard to deal with and move past, actually i have never been able to move past, it is like my life stopped when the abuse started.

I am feeling lonly too @Former-Member, it is a terrible way to be, i do hope when you go out running you take in all the beauty around you, the trees, brids, and small animals.  i used to find when my legs hurt when i excercised i used dancorub (i think it was) it seemed to calm the muscles do you do warm up and warm down excercises before and after you finish, it is very important.

Anyway please don't be upset, i am only trying to be kind 

Take care, be kind to yourself.

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi My angel,

I have a nice photo from an airshow a few weeks ago i found on my phone, i wil post at the bottom of this message. i have been trying to control my breathing all afternoon like you told me, as soon as i stop focusing on my breathing i either beath too fast or too slow, so i have to be vigilant of how i breath until i can calm down.

I know i have to be more pro-active, i just freak out when i have to go to the doctors, i hate it i am so scared, i am so worried they will put me in a MHU, and with my seperation anxiety i would not cope like you are.

Karen i have missed you all week, i have been so lost without you, my world is always much brighter when you are talking to me, you are all i have.

Karen you are so kind to me, i do hope you are resting now, and all the classes are finished.

This was just above my house, the airport is 800m away

[hiddenite]

Wow thats awesome Jacques.
I was taught in class that it is impossible to have a thought while breathing out. Its been scientific approved. Thats why its so important to slow the out breath down counting slowly to 8. Im so glad you are trying.
with the doctor you could always write what you want to say. I have done it a number of times and its so helpful. Give it a go what have you got to loose. If I can do it so can you.
I haven't had a great day there are two men in here that keep telling me how beautiful I am. That I have perfect skin and my hair is like silk.
j I dont want to be attractive to any one.
They are scaring me and I dont know what to do.

[Jacques]

i will try Karen, it is so tough for me to go to the doctor, i can only manage once every 6 months.

oh Karen, i hope me calling you a beautiful soul is not triggering, i should really think about what i say to people.

i know how hard it must be for you, after what your husband did to you, it is such a shame you have been robbed of allowing yourself to like compliments.

Karen, i wonder if you could stay away from  them or ask a nurse to keep an eye out for you to make sure you are around only women?  i know it is very tricky to deal with, i so wish i could protect you, i would not allow any men near you, keep you safe.

Can you tell a nurse that you have been abused by men and you are scared by their comments?  it is really something to consider.  i would be so upset if they harmed you.

[hiddenite]

Thanks j nothing you say upsets me because you are sincere and don't know what I look like. Obe even told me he loved my beautiful blue eyes.
they don't do it to anyone else.
I just don't know what to do if I tell a nurse it might make it worse. I don't even look at anyone I always have my head down.
I hate this place.
it really scares me.

[Jacques]

Karen, i just found this online, i was looking up unwanted attention from men, i hope this helps.

First steps need not be huge confrontations. Often, an offender won’t even realize he’s caused discomfort, and it’s enough to simply alert him with low-heat statements like “I don’t like that kind of talk,” “That’s not really appropriate,” or “Watch the touching. You’re crossing the line.” If it happens again, respond with a clear, direct, deadly serious message: “We talked about this. Don’t do that anymore,” or “You’re creeping me out. Are we going to have a problem?” And finally, if it continues, “This is about to become an official complaint. You need to stop ______,” with a specific description of what’s bothering you.

In most cases, that kind of directness nips offenses in the bud. If not, it’s a clear case of harassment. And you must take official action, not just for your sake but for the sake of others. Specific steps will depend on where you are—at school, on the set, in a play, at an audition, or in an independent class. Follow the official procedures to the letter, putting everything in writing, supported by evidence and corroboration whenever possible.

[Jacques]

Karen can you tell a little whit lie and say you are married? i know it would be hard, but it might stop the attention.

[hiddenite]

It migh help the other day he touched my bottom asI walked passed I nearly died the panic was so bad. I ddon't know why I have these things happen to me.
Thanks for the help Jacques. He sat next to me at the communal table for dinner I just ignored him.
Thanks Jacques