14th year house bound

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

I wish I could do something to help you feel better. I feel helpless watching you suffer. I know what it's like.

I've been triggering all day one of the fathers had the same aftershave as my husband , he seemed to always be near me.

J if there is anything I can do please let me know.

You are not alone and I truly understand how awful things can become.

I'm here if you need to talk or vent.

It is not stars that hold our destiny but in ourselves.

Karen

[Jacques]

Karen my angel, you are too sweet,

I am so sorry you had that trigger all day, i know what it is like, it is a trigger for me to the aftershave, the one my father used was expensive, so not many people have it.

You did well Karen, you had a lot of triggers but you worked through the anxiety, you are getting stronger, CBT says when you are exposed to your fears they become less triggering, you are teaching yourself to deal with the triggers, you are such a strong woman.

I can't do what you do, i hope one day i can face my fears with such strength and determination as you do.  you are a real inspiration to me.

What a beautiful quote, if you ever get a chance lookup Deserata, my father bought me the poster when i was a teenager, i often read it as my life motto.

Take care my friend, thank you for being their for me.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hey J

Did you manage to get some sleep.

Is the rooster still waking up so early. I do enjoy a nice roast dinner:-)

Are you going to try another mandala maybe put some music on to listen too.

I hope you find enough distractions to get through the evening.

I'm still here if you need to vent.

Stay safe

Karen

[Jacques]

Hi Karen,

Yes i got an hours sleep this afternoon, not much, but any sleep helps.

Yes the rooster, he was going off all afternoon, i was seriously considering my dinner options!!!!!!

I will try KAren, but i am really low tonight, i have been hearing about domestic violence stories on the news all afternoon, 2 women died by the hands of their husbands, then i read the local paper, which said the town i live in has 3 X the state average fro rape, and 10 X the average for domestic violance, what is wrong with men? it is making me feel so angry, i hate the way society turns a "blind eye" to it all, one of the ladies called the police, just to be told they where "too busy" to respond.  AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, i am so angry, so down, i am getting the need to want to isolate from soceity even more, i don't want to be part of the human race any more, i am almost in tears now i will stop.

Sorry Karen i know how triggering this must be to you, i am making a real mess of everything, sorry my angel.

thank you for being here for me, another shift in mood, i am so over the hugh variations in my mood, it seems to swing so violently from normal to angry/upset, fighting the daemons so hard, i am scared they are going to win.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Jacques

I'm so sorry if I triggered you.

Please remember the reason why I am still here is because a kind hearted, caring man went out of his way to show me and challenge my thinking that all men are evil, shallow, greedy.

My friend that was you, if you retreat and isolate you allow those men to win. As would be if I gave up fighting I empower those men to win.

Jacques you are the kindest person I've ever had the privilege to speak with. I am honoured that you even bothered to speak to me.

I remember when even just speaking to you was an achievement, because my realty is that I am unable to speak to men because I'm so scared of them.

I know you feel that you don't belong anywhere, that's how I feel too, but if you don't fight you just give those other men more power.

Jacques you are truly gifted, and you are here for a reason my friend, even if it's just to make a difference in one person's life. That is something unique and only you can do.

Please stay safe

Karen

[NikNik]

Hi @Jacques

It's horrible isn't it!

Actually @Former-Member and I were discussing just the other day how damaging the news can be to our mental health. Suzanne said she doesn't watch the news anymore. For me, I do watch some news, but I try and seek out more uplifting news too.

Recently I have found myself feeling really uplifted watching the video footage of the Germans clapping and cheering the refugees coming into their country. I thought it was beautiful and it gave me hope for humankind.

The news spends so much time on the negative, that it can give us a really lopsided view of society.

[Jacques]

Hi Karen,

No please don't think you triggered me, it was the news, i have a OCD compulsion to watch, listen and read the news, no matter how distressing it is, i have witnessed so many atrocities, so much damage done by men, i will not go into details because of the graphic nature of it, but the images i see of what men are capable of around the world just disgust me, how can people be so cruel and then show glimpses of kindness every now and again..........

Karen, my angel, i am so frightened of turning into what other men are like, maybe i already am, i am finding it so hard to fight the hatred i have of people.

Karen if i ever say anything that upsets you, please let me go, i could not handle seeing you frightened of me, i feel like crying so much tonight, but as usual i can't cry, my emothions have left me, i feel so lost.

Karen i wish you never had to experiance what you have, i wish all the women on here did not have to experiance what men are capable of, some times i wish women would just stay single, stay way from men, i don't know my mind is drifting now. sorry Karen, i am not a nice person, maybe i am just like them.

Thank you my friend for listening to me, i am so sorry if i am upsetting you, i am safe, please don't worry, it is just the way i have to live life, the up's and down's, i know you know what it is like.

Thank you my friend for being here for me, i am so lucky to have met a perso nlike you.

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi @NikNik,

Yes Nicole, i have a compultion to watch the news, i force myself to see what man is capable of, i go way beond what most people see, i seek out news from all over the internet, uncensored, i can't watch good news stories, i seem to seek out the bad news.

Yes i watched the news story about the Germans too, but then i watched the attrocities America, Australia and europe are commiting in their countries, it upsets me so much, why do the innocent always have to suffer for polititions egos, i feel so upset by how man is regressing, how man is destroying, how cruel humans can be.....

Thank you Nicole, i am just having a down night, everything is getting to me.

If you feel i am upsetting to many people on here just email me and i will log off, thank you.

Jacques

[NikNik]

No - we are all allowed to have down nights.

I hope that being on here tonight will distract you from those newsfeeds.

Kindness will always win out in the end - and you're contributing to that kindness in the world.

[hiddenite]

Oh Jacques

I've stopped watching the news I emotionally cannot manage. I agree with Niknik.  I certainly don't want the girls seeing the news.

J if you need any proof that you are nothing like those men, you can always 're read old posts.

Your mum would be so proud of you if she knew how much you help people.

Anyway let's try and slow things down for you.

Remember your breathing, try to take in breathes slowly, not gulping.

Use your senses to stay in the present, what are 5 things you can,

See

Touch

Hear

Smell

Taste

I know you can do it.

Break you night into hours, even minutes plan to distract.

Sleeping bag, hot water bottle.

Music

Tv documentary Egypt....

Talk to me

Jacques I know you've done all this before, 

You know the numbers or online

Lifeline 131114

Suicide callback 1300 659 467

Suicide line 1300 651 251

I'm here for you J, you can't push me away your just stuck with me:-)

Take care

Karen