Going on dates

[FearofUnknown]

This guy I went on 2 dinner dates with disappeared from FB and now I'm feeling devasted because I kind of miss him. I actually thought he liked me first because he asked me out to those 2 dinner dates. Maybe he was just hungry. I did hug him though on that last date.

Do you go on dates with first before becoming a couple? I thought that's what you're supposed to do first. Like if we had went on a few more dates, then maybe we would have became a couple. I wonder how many more dates though...

[AuntGlow]

Hi @FearofUnknown,

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. 

Firstly, good on you for being brave and putting yourself out there. It's super vulnerable getting to know new people, especially in a dating context. And honestly, dating these days is confusing, so how you're feeling is totally understandable. 

It sounds like he genuinely liked you and was curious about getting to know you, and vice versa. It can really hurt when someone shows interest and then pulls away (I have been there many, many times.)

If he has decided that he would like something different, know that it's absolutely not about you! But you definitely deserve an explanation... ghosting is really unfair.

It seems like he showed you how much you enjoyed the act of connection and how you would like a relationship? I am thinking, perhaps this could be a conduit to exploring more dating options? Would this be something you'd be open to?

All of this aside, you're allowed to be upset about this. It really hurts when we feel chosen and liked, only to feel ignored or discarded...

How can you show your inner child some love tonight? 💛

[LostAngel]

@FearofUnknown Welcome To The Forums and I get exactly what you mean Dating and relationships in general are so confsusing especially when its mixed signals one minute they seem to like you then they seem to wanna back off for unknown reasons and also ghosting is tough beleieve me I get it dealing with a simular thing currently cause of break up ,then reconnection it can sometimes feel like people are so on again off again yet they blame the other person for being indecisive it doesnt make sense in that regard ,but I agree with @AuntGlow it defineetley isnt you I would say Its on his end in your case please take care Lost Angel

[REDLINEZ750]

@FearofUnknownyou seem to have a self respecting idea of how you are finding a mate, wether its for the first time after a long term relationship or just new to the concept in general  which is your business you sound innocent and  without knowing if this someone you met online or known for a while if your wanting a partner maybe he wasnt?

iim not lost to the possibility by couple you are being diplomatic about intamacy, just want to say to answer your questioning what your supposed to do id say if you ask 10 different people you will get 10 different perspectives which may not align with each other and confuse you so if heres mine, 

most important is be careful and be safe, if ol mate was after something less than being a couple on your dates he may of discovered you werent given things up in a hurry and if met through dating site  he possibly has had other dates that were, please dont be offended if im off centre and believe  im presenting something to thimk about not judgement of anyone.

if thats the case you are lucky he has moved on despite the disrespect shown to your feelings, a lot of people will have same agenda and to get it will tell you whatever you want to hear and be very good at it,

how many dates should be your right to decide no one elses really. a lot odf people may evpect thier own opinions on yjay higher than yours and pressure you to meet thier needs disregarding yours.

 if your  meeting people to be a couple with  on line dating like most do now, you let someone know where your going and agree to contact them by a certain time to say your ok or where your going next if getting in cars and things, its not an extreme measure these days

sorry if overstepping or ;ooking too far into your post i hope you dont ever allow youself to be pressured to something for believing or being told its what your sposed to do 

hope your ok.

[FearofUnknown]

So when 2 people go on a date, what are they agreeing to? Is it a good time together or the possibility of romance? I am stuck feeling unsure if all this is unrequited love. Please tell me what you think @REDLINEZ750 could it just be me that was feeling "in love"?

[REDLINEZ750]

@fearoftheunknown  you would think on a date with someone getting to know someone it would be mutually agreeing to be respectful, open honest & themselves.

Sad reality is more will agree to it than intend it,  i must sound like the grinch of dating & thats not where im coming from, if your a person that thinks others have the same respect for people that you do and find yourself in the orbit of someone that  has charisma, charm says all the right things  but has no morals or care for your feelings you might be manipulated  into doing things your noy comfortable with especially if they pick up you  may love them as you feel is the case.

iwhen you ask me what do i think  is wrong for me to answer,.  tfor thats not advice thats opinion , an observation  your post is he had respect enough for you to not lead you on, and if i love someone everyomne in the room probably knows safe bet the person does that said maybe he knew you had feelings not just attraction and saw the ghosting as less painful for you and him?

remember how you feel now if he returns claiming he made a mistake and your the one

dont let anyone tell you that romance is owed and if your not ready and thats not being heard or respected that person is not coming from a place of love and  high chance will say what you want]need to hear get what they want.

we all get hurt  i see it as do what feels right and what you want, your no should not be challenged and you dont need to explain a thing  or feel there feelings or needs are  greater than yours.

if yiu willingly romantic and something doesnt work out your consent treat   it as a lesson more than a mistake everone has lessons in life  yeah they make nistakes too  both  are yours to make  just dont be pushed around  and be aware of surroundings  and  be careful of alcohol .if your not sure your strong enough yet to make decisions like that alone  and defend them maybe double dates with a friend could be a safer way to  ensure you have a good time  learning whats what and whos who .

its just advice fearoftheunknown  and im not an expert or qualified in any way i have a daughter  and i know the worst of human nature and how well its concealed thats all.

yyour confusion is validated and your not responsible for  his bad form as has been said  in the replies below,  i hope you find good times and always safe

i