Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Think they call it AGEISM   @Maggie - it's something we can't control, just create awareness and support each other. 

@greenpea  was it real  Ipeople  tryimages or something? I try to stick to  animated images these days. Now let me see if I can find one of couple old ladies for you...

[Former-Member]

FROM : http://saneforums.org/t5/Social-Spaces/Good-Morning/td-p/254524/page/4122

Peri said:
"I am very saddened for some reason I am thinking I may go back yo work.  I will be the oldest nurse in history. But I can’t stand being so purposeless and broke.
Peri

Oh @ Peri, if ya up to it, going back...  I really miss working (nursing) too. Maybe you can  just do 20hrs week. We do need structure in life and you sound very capable 💕 EOR

Dear @Former-Member, thank you for the suggestion.  I loved nursing. But haven’t done practical work in a long time I was in senior management and I shall soon be 69 so I have a degree of reservation and nervousness about it.  I feel I have stuffed up my life and it is now to late to turn it around. I just don’t know how.  I feel sad all the time.
peri

Hello @ Peri it's Moonstone here, I'm one of the moderators. Just wanted to say that I'm really glad you've shared how you're feeling with us. Sorry things have felt so difficult for you lately. I'm sure many members can relate to the feelings of sadness you have descibed. I hope you have been receiving some good support from the community 🌻🌻
Please remember that these services if you need to talk:
Lifeline: 13 11 14 
Suicide call back service: 1300659467  
Samaritans: 135 247

Thank you Moonstone, I appreciate the support. I would not ring those services as I am not sure what they can do to help at all and I feel insecure about what they may do. But I am not at risk, while I might think about options that does not mean I would act on them. But thank you.
Peri

[Former-Member]

Hi @ Peri, sorry you're sad a lot, and carry some heavy regrets. Ageing is hard. If you haven’t done practical work in a long time it's brobably not where you want to be, onthefloor nursing is hard, but a clinic or consultant could work. You could do well on a hospital Board... You sound very capable and lived a very productive full on career - so of cause you'll  be missing all that purpose and  acceptance... it's a major loss... we all have to face it some time. When I let my nursing rego lapse (after a breakdown) and became unregistered for the first time in 30+ years, it really shook me - I felt so lost. There was a great sense of loss (like stages of grief) and I lost my circle of friends and got very lonely. Made MI recovery so much harder. // Retirement can raise all these huge life hurdles. Maybe we should start a 'seniors' thread here 'cause nobody talks or validates the very real issues we face. Are you alone like me? Loneliness can make us very sad. And you might have health issues causing fatigue. I have extremely low iron levels and ferratin for no reason. // Is someone asking you to come back to management work? Maybe you could do relief work for them. // Why do you feel you have "stuffed up" your life? Don't have to answer or give details... // I'm not far behind your age, in your decade and I'm having thoughts that it's the end of the road too. But gotta remind. myself "they're just thoughts" But also, we have to remember not to beat ourself up over mistakes... maybe also stop seeing it as mistakes. We make decisions based on what information we have at the time. Hindsight comes with benefits not available to us then. Gotta be gentle with ourself. // It is really hard to remake ourself late in life though, I totally get that. But we have to try something 'get out there' again. I'm moving house but have this big plan to do hospital volunteering, or music work and join a quilting group, maybe a choir, and walk every day... Bit of a dream but sitting home alone isnt working. Baby steps. Do you see a counsellor? Talk with GP?
EOR 💌

Dear @Former-Member, What a kind and thoughtful reply. Thank you very much. It sounds like you really understand how I feel.  This is the second time I have replied , for some reason it did t accept my first response. Yes frontline nursing is hard but I would not go back to acute work. I have considered aged care, not because it isn’t hard , but the role of the RN is around supervision, meds and lots of paperwork as I understand.  But I am very apprehensive. I had a very high level position. A teaching hospital and was made redundant.  It was much nastier than that , but that will do for now.  That was four years ago,  I hadn’t considered retiring at that time. And as a consequence of that and other things that happened, I also lost my home and have no super left either. So, I feel just so alone and sad and my life has not turned out how I had seen. I have a new home, but it is not where I was or a home I particularly like.  But feel I just have to get on and try to make the best of things. But it seems Impossible.  I struggle to start each day, and just want to sleep my life away.  Yes I am on my own as in no partner.  My husband died along time ago and although I loved him it was a difficult marriage and we were separated at that time.  So, so I lost my job, career, money, home and my retirement all in one go. My youngest son lives with me, he is 36, and his daughter spends two days a week with us, so I am not completely alone, but I am lonely and it is not like a partner. I am not sure I really want a relationship. There are aspects of that I would not want now at all. But someone to share life with could be nice. Wow, moving house and the other things You have planned sound great and I wish you well and thank you for sharing with me. I really do appreciate you reaching out to me.  I also lost a lot of friends when my life changed so much. That was probably due to my lack of trust in people that resulted and all the nastiness that surrounded the whole thing.  Thank you you very much
Peri

[Former-Member]

Hi @Peri, hope you don't mind me bringing this discussion over to this thread where ya less likely to get lost. I'm keen to interact with others in our position, who can relate. You're amazing you know, 69 and wanting to work. I've pretty much given up work due to health, but like you I sure could do with the extra income.  I've done a lot of Aged Care work, RNs do have that supervisory role. But mostly  pills  pills and more pills... but you could probably do it with your eyes closed. Why not! Even if just a couple of days a week. The oldies would love you there too. But I do understand the apprehension. Takes a while to regain confidence after a few years break. What about your competency compliance during time off? ? Is that covered? Might be problem if not. It would be hard to feel like you've lost nursing on top of all those other losses. It hit me hard because it was big part of my identity.  Being made 'redundant' sucks, especially if Gov. Should be up to us when we retire, honestly. Sad. And selling your home snd losing your SUPER... Betrayed by friends and the system you gave so much to, and broken relationships, all big wammies there, on top of past broken marriage etc... OUCH! A lot to cope with so close together, and to do it alone. So hard. Its not all your fault you know.
 I can understand that feeling of sadness, when ya step back and say "this is not my life... not how it was supposed to be... thats me too. Gets ya down if ya stay there too long. It is what it is... have to work the problem as best we can, without overtaxing ourself or beating ourself up another day. The world's done enough of that to us over the years... Seeing what you DO have has gotta help... a roof over your head, son, grandaughter... Lifetime career of pride behind you where you contributing to society, with dignity. Maybe God deemed that you've Done Your Bit and now it's about you and your connections.
I do hear you though, and  really hoping you have a good GP to talk to, to check your bloods and find you a great psychologist or someone better.
Thanks for wishing me well with my moving plans, appreciate that, and getting to know you. xox

[jem80]

@Former-Member @Peri @greenpea @marchhare 

I have the highest amount of respect for anyone regardless of their age. I was once told a story that it was about how old you actually feel as oppose to how old you actually are can help your perception to feel "young".

I can only imagine going through some tough times with your job and losing your super.

I know that mental health for those over 65+ years sits in a category of its own like youth mental health. The system is starting to realise that there is a need to look at things differently as we age, regardless of the age.

I applaud anyone who goes to work in what is considered retirement years. It's a shame that things like super and our work lifespans are predetermined by others. I have meet many that continue to work throughout their life and still have a lot to offer as they age. In fact I find it interesting when people in their older age are labelled with having too much life experiences when that excuse is reversed when we are young saying we don't have enough life experiences.

Perhaps the right age is not how I or we look or are, but how we see ourselves on the inside.

[greenpea]

@Former-Member  Hey EOR it was images of women with beautiful long grey hair :). Apparently the thought was they were pics of me .... as if I would be so vain to put my own pics up. I am still upset over it but will get over it in time.

[Former-Member]

💚 (((( @greenpea )))) 💚
I know you'd never deliberately breach the guidelines is such a way. I can imagine it though, long grey hair... beautiful 🌼

[Former-Member]

Hi @Peri, have you found this thread yet ?  How are you? What time did you  get up today? Any plans?  How's the weather? Hope you're ok 🌷

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member - I see you there, how are you? How's hubby and those beautiful hills? 

[Peri]

Dear @Former-Member , @greenpea , @jem80 , @Maggie ,

 no I don’t mind at all I think it is great , @Former-Member , you have summed how I feel and the circumstances very well.  Some have told me to put it all behind me and move on. It is well meaning, but I just don’t seem capable of that. I didn’t realise till I lost my career just how much it all meant to me and how it defined who I was in the world..  my GP was wonderful but now four years has passed, and people do expect you to get over things.  She is very understanding of the depression and anxiety though which is good.  I live a fair way from her now but keep going as I relate well to her and feel comfortable and could not bear having to go through my whole history with a new person.

it is a bit gloomy here today. 

Peri