Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Wednesday]

Where to start and how to explain. How do we keep ourselves safe and sane whilst supporting people who are very emotionally broken, and within that brokenness rely on compulsive lying to get through life. 

I'm honestly at wits end. I'm hurt beyond comprehension at the extent of this person's last lie and the danger it put the family in. I'm so angry and finding it very hard to function, putting on my smile and my calm when I just want to cry and rage. 

The person I am supporting has diagnosed anxiety disorder, attracts relationships with violent men, I believe suffers depression, as well as undiagnosed autism (or brain injury), all things I can cope with and deal with in the support I provide - the lying and the dangers it puts us all in though I'm honestly at wits end. How do you keep a family safe when reality is so darn hard to determine??

Dignity of risk - sure if this person wants to destroy their life that is their business. 

Duty of care - there are small children as well as myself to consider the safety of.

For me children trump adults in ALL decisions, their safety and well-being comes before any adult in the picture.

I am so caught and torn with how to honour the above person being their own entity ... But also keep myself and the children involved safe, happy, emotionally well developed, and as free from the burdens of trauma as I possibly can. 

Working with a compulsive lier honestly feels like a lost battle, however for the sake of the kids I have to find a path forward that results in a successful working relationship between adults.

Note - the children are not mine, I am aunty, the person is not in a relationship with me .. we are family, and we live together.

Tired, feeling sick and deflated, worried about how to move through this quagmire, wanting to do what's best for the kids and pulling my hair out how to work with, support and mentor such a person as above. 

I'm the pillar that holds everything up and this pillar is really starting to feel the weight and wondering if it can keep supporting it's load in an appropriately happy, supportive and centred way. Needing some extra strong foundations added in for additional support. 

[Jynx]

Hey @Wednesday welcome. I'm really hearing how much of an impact this situation is having on you, it sounds very unsustainable. 

I agree with the prioritising of the children as much as possible in this situation, and I'm just wondering if Child Protection are involved, or if they might be worth involving? 

[Wednesday]

Hi Jynx,

Child protection have been involved - because of my involvement the kiddies are deemed safe. 

I've got a lot more fight left in me to keep them safe, happy and developing well, however I'm really struggling with the how's, I'm trying to support two very damaged parents, and have found in this journey that there seem to be zero supports available for the supports in domestic violence situations.

Do I just keep fumbling along and do my best .. are there professional services that can help me better understand the parties I'm supporting and how to best work with their personalities for best long term results for the kiddies .. how to work with myself and my own limitations ..

[Jynx]

@Wednesday I am very glad that they have you looking out for them, I imagine it means the world to them - even if they don't quite know it yet. 

Hmm... off the top of my head I am not entirely sure, but you could give 1800Respect a buzz because they would probably know more about the kind of supports that might be available. 

You could also buzz our support line (1800 187 263, Mon-Fri 10am-8pm) if you wanted to explore more deeply about the parents' mental health and the impact it's having on the family. 

I can understand that there's a heavy burden that comes with this too, and it's super important that you are also looking out for your own mental health, like you say! Maybe look into respite options through Carers Australia?