Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

[Decadian]

Hi @Shaz51

I read you thread last night and wondered if it was that my brain was tired because I could not answer - and it's lunchtime and I just got up so I must have been tired

But I still find it hard to answer - still - I'm not tired

But I will have a go

I don't know if his need to control you is because of his mental illness directly or if it is a side effect but I strongly believe that there are people who have a need to control other people around them and what I was thinking about while I drank a glass of milk and ate a snack was what defines MI because that is obscure - maybe there are people who just need to control others and can be violent about it - and others are manipulative

TS is so manipulative I have wondered if she is twisted inside somewhere - but I can't be sure of that - pretty sure there is something wrong with people who have a need to be the bossy cocky and nothing works but what they say works - Idodn't like being controlled and I don't think anyone else would like that either

It's really hard for you living in a small rural environment and also I have found that people do not ring you - I feel I have to do the ringing and I gave that away long ago - maybe other people have found that themselves - people ring other people when they have some kind of business or news to exchange - and I can understand and feel it myself - who wants to be the one that always reaches out

But what to do? You will not be working as much next year - and you can't drive - can you ride a bike?

And personlly I know your husband has MI but not all of his behaviour is caused by that - and one thing that pops into my mind is that it would be better to take a walk and just find a spot where you can be alone for however long you need to be away from this demand on you personally - it is actually a form of abuse

But otherwise I really don't know what to answer - it is really hard for me to know

But yes -  I do care about it

Dec

[Shaz51]

Hello @Anony18 thankyou xx

you have us on this forum. Hope that gives you some comfort 😊 -- ohh it gives me grest comfort my friend , feeling a lot better today

I knew it would happen, just have to wait until hubby wants to talk about it -- ha ha he did at 11pm last night , he told me everything he was worried about

[TAB]

always best to clear the air @Shaz51 

[Shaz51]

Hello @Decadian 

yes it is strange @Decadian xx

I totally believe what @TAB said about home being his comfort zone xx

I can walk everywhere, to town , no problems -- like @Faith-and-Hope go to the cafe for a coffee -- i have thought of taking my mum

I knew hubby would start talking sometimes , but you don`t know when -- so he did at 11pm last night

He hates changes,

he overthinks and worries

I think  he loves me in control of everything unto a point

he is rethinking not to go down to one son because the other son wants to come here in january for a couple of weeks but there goes his comfort zone -- Christmas time is worse , we have some family invitations but i know we wont be unable to go to all of them

[TAB]

did you give him any leads as to what you have been thinking on here? @Shaz51 you dont have to answer that. Just so long as you are ok with what is happening, if not..well change in some form and perhaps knock off that idea that something will go wrong .. or ask yourself what it was that actually 'went wrong' each time you tried to do something for yourself in whatever way ..just thinking aloud, as an outsider, but have seen women, my mother included just become offshoots of stay at home husbands, then one day its like oh was that it ..when its too late. sorry if that sounds grim. well at least mum had church, and choir and friends outside house, father never had any interests except money, what was for tea the garden etc. well they did go overseas a few times in 70s maybe dunno

[Shaz51]

That is interesting @TAB xx

did you give him any leads as to what you have been thinking on here?--- I told him and he replied that I don`t voice myself enough which got me thinking that maybe the mentally abuse that i recieved when I was young is still there inside me

we went to visit my mum this morning and I saw thw neighbour talking to my Husband wanting hime to come back and mow but they have someone else to mow

when we got home he told me he was anxious about it instead of tlling me tonight he talked about it this morning --

now he is having a sleep

[TAB]

well there are probably reasons 'not voicing' things ,, could be signals/patterns,and why would he put it back on you, even if in a seemingly mild way? not hearing empathy on his part?

am just throwing it out there, if it works well youre welcome, if not, well that Tabs just a ****** .either way, its fine ..okay so what did you do this morning?

yes husband is anxious, yes he went to bed ..how are you? .. yes am being a bit pushy maybe, just trying to get something happening ..for You.. I understand you are together a lot and work together etc ..just a thought.. does 'He' seems to be on here with you as well ??.. 

..going for a walk later..?  feel free to ignore this. And I am trying to push your buttons ..In a good way I hope...  @Shaz51

[Shaz51]

Hey @TAB, i think it is good , thank you xx

I am trying to push your buttons ..In a good way I hope..-- I need it @TAB, mum was very good at encouraging me and pushing me , that is why I have done so much in my life xx

does 'He' seems to be on here with you as well -- No , No this is mine alone , my own little support and helping others Island -- NEVER xxxx and facebook is mine alone too

and mum said this morning -- be who you want to be -- I know what she means

[TAB]

..I didn't mean literally re hubby being on here. Was referring to your thoughts re mentioning him etc. And yes, re mothers comments good on here. Anyway , just throwing it out there, and happen to be in the mood for some reason. Not going to 'hound' you ..just was asking questions in a way to try and get you to look at things from slightly different perspective ..it comes from you in the end. It's how You deal with things and how You feel. You are important. @Shaz51

[Shaz51]

thank you @TAB