My biggest thing was to move to Australia from the UK. I had to remove myself completely and put separation between myself and my mother, and that was 10,000 miles worth! If I had stayed with her, I am almost certain that I would have taken the same path with regards my own mental health. The way she was had a negative impact on who I was and it also began to manifest in me as time moved on.
BUT, when I was there in the UK with her, I used to have to try and detach myself from the drama, which was hard in itself when someone needs you that much. I'd have days where I could say "No, not today" and for a few days I would completely turn my back on it and life plodded along, but then she would be there, needing me and I'd be hit head on with several days worth of "Oh woe is me".
She completely exhausted me and being that she didn't want to listen to anything remotely helpful, just sit there and relay over and over how life was so cruel to her, wow, I used to feel like I had a bomb inside of me, about to go off. It was like a constant chest burn that built up and up and that pressure just wanted to burst free.
I resented her, she frustrated me and it left me feeling hopeless and like I was failing her in some way. My family didn't want to listen, instead thinking it was me that was perhaps seeing it all wrong, the "If we ignore it, it will go away".
My coping mechanisms, for years, were just trying to block out the negative and try and be happy in my life and when there was contact, just tell myself "It helps her, I'm doing a good thing". It somehow made me feel better initially, BUT alas, the only real coping mechanism in the end was to run for the hills and I did (so to speak).
It sounds harsh, but I decided the family that had lived in denial all these years could now take it on and see it for what it was. All I was doing was masking the issue from them, being her confidant, "her rock" as she used to say, and them living happy, clappy lives on the outside of it, and all the while my mental health declined.
It's ironic now, as she is institutionalised and pending a section order following assessment, so now the family see and all that thinking it was me, well, the reality is now vastly different. So, my coping mechanism was to pass it on ... selfish perhaps, but I am proud that I now have fought all my demons, my mental health is in check and I'm loving the fresh start I gave myself.
