Forum Etiquette (Netiquette)

[Former-Member]

Hello @Zoe7 @Former-Member  @Appleblossom  @Former-Member  @Sophia1  @outlander  @Former-Member  @NikNik

I feel like I should apologise for my behaviour and thank you for your nice posts to me. Thank you for your nice posts. I will be moving away from this thread now. HUGE trigger for me.

Please don't tag me in this post or press Like.

[Sophia1]

I feel that the above response encapsulates the vital element of what these forums represent...

This is an extremely brave action from a member who clearly still does not feel safe...

It does not matter whether or not any others think that this person should...perhaps need time away..

they do not have the right to make that assumption...

there are times where I have seen this written on posts and felt the comment very inappropriate...sounding condescending in fact..

I think what I am reading on here as a whole is a school of thought which is causing a great divide....

I fear that what is being proposed....also later described as not rules as "etiquette" guidelines will again distance certain people if not handled appropriately..

I have felt an atmosphere on the forums for some time now...

Perhaps the very idea of Forum Etiquette is bringing to the surface other more compelling needs...

I do hope that those involved in the outcome will look at everything and read between the lines...

This is an opportunity to look at the feedback whether it is about etiquette or not...it is genuine feedback..sincere...brave responses that must be heard...

This is not about my need to have the last word....to take sides..

This is about accepting the fact that we all think and respond differently...no one way being the correct way...

Remembering most of all the basic element of the forum: A safe place to open up and not feel judged

I personally feel that a response from a community manager or site manager is warranted...

We do not need to hear more about rules or guidelines that is very apparent...

Many of us need to hear reassurance.....I hope that the time is taken to do this..

[Former-Member]

---

@Sophia1wrote:

I fear that what is being proposed....also later described as not rules as "etiquette" guidelines will again distance certain people if not handled appropriately..

I have felt an atmosphere on the forums for some time now...

Remembering most of all the basic element of the forum: A safe place to open up and not feel judged

We do not need to hear more about rules or guidelines that is very apparent...

---

Totally agree @Sophia1 - I also have felt that dividing atmosphere. It can't be just about appeasing or giving preference to the needs of one or two, but creating a safe place for all to open up within community guidelines without judgment.

[Bimby2]

Thank you @Zoe 51 and a wish that you have a pleasant day and that goes for the weekend too. Bimby2

[Bimby2]

Sorry I meant @Zoe7 - Bimby2

[Former-Member]

What really stands out to me is just how passionate members are about creating a community that’s non-judgemental, compassionate, and inclusive to people from diverse backgrounds. It’s great to see that reflected in the comments everyone has been making on the thread.

I can also hear that everyone uses the forums in unique ways. It’s important to celebrate that diversity and allow space for everyone to connect in a way that feels right for them. In working together to keep the forums a non-judgemental, compassionate, and inclusive space, it sounds as though these are the sorts of thing members would like to encourage…

 Practical stuff:

• Where possible, search for existing threads about a particular topic before posting a new discussion
• Where possible, take a little time to read a couple of the recent posts in a discussion you’re planning to post in. It’s ok if you can’t do this at times when you’re overwhelmed or distressed. The most important thing is that you reach out.
• Where possible, avoid using slang or internet terminology that may exclude people of different cultures, locations, or ages
• Where possible, try to post new discussions in appropriate topic areas. This can be pretty subjective so there’s no right or wrong here
• You might like to recommend threads to new members on topics similar to the one they’re seeking support or information around

Relational stuff:

• Be polite and respectful of others and remember, everyone’s experience is valid
• It’s ok to respectfully disagree with others. We value diversity and inclusion
• Where debate arises, appreciate difference of opinion is a healthy part of human communication
• Written communication can at times be misinterpreted. If you’re unsure what a person means, it’s ok to ask them to clarify
• Give yourself permission to take a break from the forums or from particular threads if you need it

Although these aren’t rules and everyone is free to use the forums in their own way, I reckon all of these things are really valuable for the community, and are particularly useful for new members seeking out info about how to respectfully connect with others and how to get the most of the forums. Thanks to @Zoe7  for raising the discussion. And thanks to everyone for your contribution to making the forums a safe and non-judgmental space to connect with others and reach out for support 🌻

[Teej]

I know I’m late to the party and I definitely don’t want to add to any more distress. I’ve read the thread and acknowledged and nodded my head at lots of peoples thoughts and I agree with many. I too struggled with shame reading some of it. I’ve bashed and crashed through the forum at times of high emotion and with no dignity or grace. I am however grateful for the forgiveness that has gone with this from members and SANE staff. 

I think the forum is so dynamic and will always be this way because of the community we are. One of the things that I’ve thought about lots is the need for us to be ourselves, especially when our world is clouded by emotion. I think @Former-Member has alluded to this with adding in 'when you can'. There are lots of times when I can’t because of my heightened emotions and there are times when I just don’t think clearly enough and something comes out in a way it’s unintended (also known as foot in mouth 😳). 

The point that is running through my head, and I’m conflicted with because I see both sides equally, is the point about using slang or abbreviations etc. I think I just wanted to highlight that there are many and varied reasons why this happens especially when sharing. Staying anonymous for many is paramount for their safety. When some 'forum language' (not sure what it’s called) develops it’s often around this or to not use specific words as they trigger. I also think that text language or abbreviations is just part of a big part of society now. From what I’ve seen of this community I would encourage anyone new (or not so new) to ask what something means. I’ve never seen anyone not respond and explain to someone and I’ve usually seen them apologetically explain, and more often than not more than one person will jump in to explain. I believe that learning and connection happens through these interactions too. Perhaps for inclusivity just reaffirming to members that it’s really valued to ask questions if you are unsure of anything might be helpful. 

Im so sorry if this has bought up anything for anyone. I have been so scared to post it. PS my first version of this with heightened emotion yesterday was pretty much bashing and crashing through it.   💜🤗

[Shaz51]

Thanks to @Zoe7 for raising the discussion., I really like your points

[Owlunar]

I have just read several pages of this thread @Zoe7 and others - and I think that it is well presented by many people and I am glad the subject is being aired so openly

I have little to add - a couple of things spring to mind - and might or might not have been discussed because I have not read the whole thread

One thing is that sometimes people will post a long message without breaks in the format - and I have to give up - I can't focus my eyes well and this is important because the person is often new and is really passionate - but I get lost - I need strong glasses - multifocal and also I have an astigmatism.

There is no way I can deal with that and there must be other people having a similar problem

Another issue I find difficult is when people are using there phones mostly - and make frequent spelling mistakes. I have trouble texting even with the predictive text so I understand - I have arthritis in my hands and I know that other people might have the same problem. Of course spelling errors are inevitable and I often wonder what the person means and sometimes check - 

As I said - these comments might have already been addressed

But on the other side - I am often overwhelmed with the compassion and unswerving ways people stay with someone who is battling over a long period of time - this has to be acknowledged - the giving of support and its continuation is something I have not known before and this is a wonderful thing about this forum - that is the LE - 

Things change - the LE forum has changed a great deal since I joined just over two years ago - I joined this forum battered and bruised from a rough exchanged of personalities and ideas where I had been before - this forum gentle, loving and sensitive at it's core.

Thanks for doing all of this research and making sound recommendations Zoe

Dec

[Former-Member]

at risk replying here.. and going to attempt to stay on topic though there are so many interrelated and complex issues arising here that coincides with the development of these rules, their purpose, their origin and reasons for them (we can rebadge them as ettiquete or netiquette or guidelines etc... but it is semantics relating back to being social rules).

- naming of threads - clear names of threads so that people know what a thread is about and if it is an appropriate thread to go to... and perhaps renaming of threads if they evolve so that it is clear what their purpose is.. particularly for threads in Something's not right - some thread titles suggest that they are places to go in distress - though they may have now turned into social spaces much of the time. If i go to Somethings not right and see a thread title that indicates its appropriate for people in distress i may not be in a space to go back and read - or i go there in distress and read people socialising and feel like im intruding to post back to the thread title or intention of the thread.. do i have nowhere to go. I do feel as though perhaps there needs to be clearer spaces somehow... and this is where the topic of private threads pops up though its not the on topic intention of this thread it impacts on how people can follow the forum as a community.

- "Where possible, search for existing threads about a particular topic before posting a new discussion" This one concerns me a little because while i sometimes find it interesting to go back and read old threads on topics that im interested in - i wouldnt necessarily feel comfortable in responding to a two or three year old thread where the members of said thread are no longer on the forums or active, also someone elses thread about a topic may not be quite the experience of it that i might want to put forward or the situation presented with a similar issue or topic is different to my own - so instead of being able to put forwards my own situation/needs it would remain about the original poster of that thread...  - i also feel concerned there would not be many 'replies' for someone who opened up an old thread and so sending people to old threads may actually isolate them. I also wonder if posting on memebers threads who have left, or tagging members who have not been here for a long time could be trigerring or upsetting to those members if they suddenly recieve emails. Most people come here with relatively unique situations in the present moment (with commonalities across mental wellbeing/illness/disorder/caring) hoping to connect with people in the moment... If we are going to send people to find an old thread we should as a community be ready to respond and join in those old threads. Reading through old threads otherwise is similar to going to a library for information. 

Saddened to see that we lost a member recently - sending hugs to all who need them..

im not back... but after being tagged here and feeling very... emotional about this thread for days felt i needed to respond in some way though i think it may have only heightened the anxiey i feel over it all. 

Take care all

ps i somehow mucked up part of this reply knocking the mouse button somehow on my laptop and ended up with paragraphs displaced... i think i fixed it but too tired to know if it still makes sense sorry.