Hi @Mum1923, welcome to the forum. It sounds like you already received some good advice. I just thought a male perspective here may help. I can tell you care for him and deeply for your family and have forgiven him more times that anyone should probably expect. I not sure how else I can put this other than "you have done nothing wrong... at all." The patience, forgiveness, and generosity is saint-like. His behaviour is throwing up so many red flags for me. I think you just need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel and that he needs to meet you half way to make this work. If he doesn't want to then, sadly, I think you have your answer as to how he feels.
Honestly, it breaks my heart to hear you ask "How do I try harder?". You can't. You shouldn't have to. You have already tried harder than I think anyone else would. He is the one that needs to try. Not try harder, just try. Because it doesn't sound like he has tried at all. As for the question of "What's wrong with me?" like I said before... nothing. He should be embarrassed for making you feel the need to ask these questions.
Obviously, no one here can tell you what to do. That is up to you to decide. But make that decision knowing none of the fault is with you and you have already gone above and beyond. I wish you the very best and hope your husband can finally step up and see how very fortunate he is.
