Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

Thanks @Queenie I am having a lot of trouble with this stuff like especially with relation to medications because the nurses will always ask why i am saying no to meds but then i really dont like explaining to them that i think the doctors are trying to hurt me and that they are using the meds to do it. Because then they just say that it isnt true but then i dont believe them because then i think they are also in on it and then i just get scared to tell any of them anything especially when i am feeling bad cause then i get really scared of them. Also they say the things that whisper to me cant hurt me but that is a lie too. I just am not sure what to do and one of the few professionals i do trust is leaving in a couple of weeks so now i really only have one other person i tell thing too and ugh i am just done i hate this all i feel like i am going to cry and i want to disappear or end it all. I hate hospital.

[Queenie]

I can certainly relate to what you are saying here @Eden1919. I've been through similar circumstances when I've been acutely unwell and hospitalised. 

I must say however I found the public mental health service lacking, I opted for private health insurance (expensive though!) and go to a private mental health hospital when I require hospital admissions. I am lucky because I see the same psychiatrist there that I see in the community and I find the staff fantastic. I've had some pretty "out there" delusions in the past and the staff have always treated me with dignity and respect. I also have a lot more say about my treatment there as I am voluntarily admitted.

[Eden1919]

@Queenie I have been to both public and private and yes I agree private is better in many ways however both of the private hospitals I went to gave up and said I was too complicated and spent the majority of the time threatening to send me to the public system because I was apperantly too unwell. So I have not really had good experiences with either. I am just not sure what is left to do I feel like I am running out of options. I want to scream and cry but I don't even have the energy right now. Anyway I will just have to see how things go I guess.

[Queenie]

That's a shame the private system gave up on you @Eden1919. I just found their environment far less chaotic than the public system. I needed less chaos around me while recovering. I found a lot of the acutely unwell patients in public hospitals (especially the High Dependency Units), often frightened me and further escalated my paranoia and feelings of stern mistrust of the whole treating team.

[Eden1919]

@Queenie yes public can be scary i am just sad that it doesnt seem private is a good fit for me at this time. I am still having a lot of troubble coming to terms with the possibilty of having this diagnosis i dont know why i am just unsure how pepople will treat me and what will happen in the future and just everything seems scary right now and i dont know what to do. 

[Queenie]

Remember, it's just a diagnostic label @Eden1919, you are still you.