Lived Experience Forum

[ShortL]

I proposed to my boyfriend a few months ago. It was spur of the moment but something that had been on my mind several months. He said he wasnt ready. Ever since then I feel like I'm looking at everything as signs he never wants to get married or move in together or be committed to me in any way. I cant stop thinking now there's an expiration date on us. Any advice?

[outlander]

hi @ShortL
i dont have any experience in this area but wanted to welcome you

perhaps some other members could offer some advice

@Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Nay69 @Owlunar

[utopia]

@ShortL. I've never proposed to anyone before . However,  I can so imagine how confused you must be.  And maybe even feeling a little hurt. 

It takes a lot of courage to propose to your partner.  Well done on finding that courage. 

Now though is the time you need to find lots of patience.  After a while,  you may want to speak to your partner and seek clarification as to what 'not ready' means.  Just ask,  does it mean that further commitment is still on the cards,  maybe in the future? 

Some people need more time before committing. 

How long have you been together ?

[Nay69]

Hi @ShortL

Firstly 👋💐 and welcome to the forums.

 I think that you will love getting to know some of the wonderful people here. 

I went through the exact same situation many years ago with my mr and here I am over 20 years later.... got married but he resents it daily and has never been afraid to share that with me 😔 That’s a whole story in itself.

To quote some lines from a beautiful song “ Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers, remember when you’re talking to the man upstairs, just because he doesn’t answer, doesn’t mean he don’t care....some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers” (Garth Brooks)

What it means is that right now you are truly hurting and I feel your pain but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise and one day down the road if things don’t happen as you want, you will actually find the true happiness that you seek.

Dont hurry hun, you will be okay :ok_hand:💐❤️

I cannot express how much I feel your hurt.....

Take care xoxo Always here if you want to talk

[Owlunar]

Hi @ShortL

Welcome to the forum - people here care about each other a lot and you will be able to make some on-line friends - I wish you the best

It's disappointing to get a knock-back when you propose - or indeed - ask any guy first for anything - eg - a date, a night out or a night in and of course - being the one to propose

For some reason a our society seems to have an idea that the man is the one supposed to ask the questions while the woman waits and hopes and long long does she have to do this before giving up and looking around for someone else? After all - if we are giving time to a man after a while we want to know his intentions

I'm sorry this happens - I think you were very brave to propose but we always have to think of the fragile male ego - not that all men have a frail ego but it's hard to tell from the outside.

Better luck next time - I guess you might have reached the expiration date on the guy - only you can tell - but time's a-wasting.

All the best

Dec