I can’t cope

[Christheart]

@Captain 

Wow, what a wonderful development... 

A little better is a huge step for someone in the middle of depression. 

Let's count that as a win for today! 🏆 

Do you work? 

Living in the country is hard, it can be isolating. 

Have you tried exercise? Before I became very ill, exercise always made me feel better. Now I try very hard to go to the gym once a week, it doesn't help as much as I would like it to, but I do find that evening after gym I feel a little more stable. 

But yay. Let have celebratory cake! 🎂 

[Christheart]

@Paperdaisy Oh shucks lol I do try 😏

[Captain24]

@Paperdaisy 

Thank you. I don’t know if I could have gotten here with out @Christheart 

[Captain24]

@Christheart 

I’m counting it as a win! I’m a little bit proud of myself. 

I do work I’m a shift worker the roster is 5 on 4 off 4 on 5 off. Days and nights. 
I did take the last block off because I just couldn’t go. 

I don’t actually do anything. I’m not a fan of the gym I hate exercise but I’m thinking I have to take up something for my days off. 

I’m glad it works for you. Hoping in the darkest times you can make yourself go to help ease some pain.

Definitely celebration cake time! 🎂🍰🧁🥳

[Christheart]

@Captain24 

I'm so glad you are feeling proud of yourself. 

When I go to the gym I use the weights, or I do some weights at home. 

I hate it too, but it is supposed to help mental health so I force myself to do it haha. 

Hooray 🎂 

[Captain24]

@Christheart 

 

I am single with no kids but I have a little dog so my daily exercise is walking her. 

 

[Christheart]

@Captain24 

Very good, she is adorable 

[Captain24]

So I have woken up this morning with a little bit of hope in my heart that today may actually be a good day. It’s the first time in weeks that I haven’t woken up to darkness. 

Hoping that I have the strength to keep that hope as each hour passes. 

Need to focus on the little wins for now and that is, so far the world is not completely dark, there is a tiny bit of light.

[Captain24]

Trying to focus on the little wins. 

Went to bed last night ok. Woke up ok. Had a reasonable day. I had light in my day. Went for 2 walks and one was with a friend. 

But

Now the darkness is coming back. I don’t know what to do. Why can I stay in an okish place. why can’t I just enjoy at least a day. Why does it always have to come back. Why does it always have to be so black. Why couldn’t it just be gray sometimes. 

Im so tired. I’m so tired of this.  I’m so tired of fighting. I’ve just had enough. I can’t even make a whole day.

Will this ever get easier? If it doesn’t I don’t know if I can do.

Ignore me please.

Just need somewhere to vent out

loud to not lose my mind completely. 

[Eve7]

Sending you some hope and a big thank you @Captain24 

I hope tomorrow is better for both of us and @Christheart 

it’s wonderful having you both here on the forums.

Lots of love ❤️