The Weekly Friday Feast

[Mazarita]

@Crazy_Bug_Lady I jump in to flight or cry mode when people raise their voice in any way that might sound of anger. For it to happen to you after having to sit feeling uncomfortable, raw emotions and be in a vulnerable state. I can imagine how rough that would have been. Are you doing anything to take care of yourself and wind down from that? (Says I drinking coffee as my way of winding down, lol). 

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Hey,

I made it to my car before I left myself completely cry and everything. Drove up to the lookout with loud music blaring so I could yell along and get a grip on myself.

It's quiet there, not many cars go that way. Sat for a while and listened to nature while I wrote in my "daily mood journal".

[Appleblossom]

Sounds like you did the right thing to manage your intensity.

I used to cry when walking to work at night ... and shout when the trucks went by so no-one could hear.

[Mazarita]

@Crazy_Bug_Lady A lookout, what a great place to go to get some perspective. How cool that you blared the music and got a release of energy. Then followed it up with a quiet, reflective activity. Hope you are feeling a bit better now.

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Thanks. My past go-to plan when I'm like that was to SH. It is proving to be ridiculously hard to avoid the temptation. I miss the release.

I never smoked, or taken drugs, or drank. But I tell you, SH is truly an addiction. I wonder if I'll ever be free from the feeling...

[Appleblossom]

Screaming, crying and shouting arent great for the vocal chords ... and my face used to get puffy and the snot flowed ... gross ... but that effect was not lasting harm.

There is no need to start taking substances to avoid feelings .... seeing as you have already managed without them ...you are ahead of many people.

and our feelings relate to our energy and expressiveness ... connecting with the deep pain that is an authentic part of you is important ... may take a few days to calm fully ... but if you can post here rather than resort to self harm ... hopefully  there will be someone online to distract you and give you other tools to cope.

[CherryBomb]

@Crazy_Bug_Lady  Wow, it sounds like you handled it really well. None of go to the psych to talk about 'nice' things. It's hard work, and it can often get worse before it gets better. 

I agree with @Mazarita @Appleblossom you handled your emotions really productively - getting some perspective, screaming and sitting with discomfort.

I can see why SH is tempting when things get challenging - it's been you're go to. It's hard to change, but you've made some huge steps forward, and it's normal sometimes to feel like you'll have days where you take a few steps backwards. But don't forgot to look at the whole - 1 day, or even a couple of days doesn't define you're whole progress.

[CherryBomb]

** Putting this on the table while we chat, and while  I prep dinner** 

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

I'm calmer than I was. Back to feeling nothing, like usual. I spend so much time not liking feeling nothing, but holy hell feeling hurts...

I've been watching a series on Netflix, and doing Kumihimo braiding to keep my hands busy. It's a round braid, so it's simple, keeps my hands busy, but allows me to think.

[Mazarita]

@Crazy_Bug_Lady I think we might be free of those feelings (in my case the feelings break out in addiction to nicotine and pot). Or it might be that the feeling becomes less intense as we learn how to manage it better. So that we can be okay with it and not act on it. Just the fact that you were at the psychologist session today means you are taking steps to move yourself into a better place.