having a bad morning

[NikNik]

In my experience, not all sessions with professionals are going to make you feel great. While that's not to say it wasn't helpful, it could be that you put in a lot of work and that can be exhausting or bring up some stuff.

I think of it like doing a workout. After the workout you're in pain / exhausted / sometimes cranky - but it's because you've put in hard work - which feels crap right now, but pays off in the long run.

So don't be too hard on yourself for feeling this way. Has anyone shared this image with you before - 

For me this helps symbolise that just because you feel worse than you did yesterday or the week before, it doesn't mean you're back at square one or back to the start - if that makes sense?

I'm really glad you're reaching out tonight. While I don't expect what I have said to make it all better, I just want to take a little pressure off the expectations you have on yourself 🙂

[BlueBay]

Thanks @NikNik

I think that because today was so intense and emotional for me I am still processing what the program was all about.

i like the explanation you gave about doing a workout.  I think, no hang on, I know I am too hard on myself; i have high expectations of myself and its hard at times to let go of these expectations.

It's frustraating at times because I wnat things fixed now; i want a lot of things changed now but deep down I know it is still going to take time, a lot of work with therapy. I just get so tired of all this that sometimes its easier to just give in and give up.

[NikNik]

Easier to give in and give up in the short term, but not in the long term (in my opinion).

Today doesn't sound like a tough work out.. it sounds like a marathon! Lots to take in and the anticipation of wanting to get it all going.

It's awesome that you have that energy behind it all - just important to manage your own expectations. 🙂

I think you're doing a top job!

[BlueBay]

@NikNik I can't stop crying. I'm sick of crying. Everyone on here must think I'm such a sook. I hate crying. It's weak
Wish I could stop

[NikNik]

Hi @BlueBay

I think the last thing you need to worry about is what people in here think 🙂 We've been through or seen it all, I think!

Some people see crying as very therapeutic - better than holding it in.

You've achieved a lot today and it sounds like it's the beginning of a new chapter for you, so you should be really proud of yourself!

Please be kind to yourself tonight. Jump back onto Lifeline if you need it - don't deny yourself the help you deserve.

 Nik

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @BlueBay

It's probably a bit of an emotional backwash from the work you got through in the session today.  The computer crashing didn't help.  

@NikNik is right tho - there's a lot of us around tonight.

Loved hearing about the coloured balls today.  Painted my nails purple !  Does that count ? 😊

[Faith-and-Hope]

Maybe you don't know how much the rest of us cry @BlueBay .  I reckon you'd be surprised.

i'm one who says it's therapeutic.  

My kids call me the biggest sook, and rate movies by "how much they will make Mum cry".

Gotta share the tears as well as the laughter.  There's often rain before the rainbow 🌈

[JoseJones]

@BlueBay,

I can only speak for myself but no I do't think you're a sook at all.  I think society discourages us from being and feeling vulnerable, and mistakes it for weakness.  I like to think this forum is one place where a person can feel safe in being vulnerable without judgement or stigma - we're here to support you.

[BlueBay]

Hi @NikNik

Thanks so much for your support.  I'm sorry about last night, I wasn't in a good headspace.  I know that for me I cry alone, I cry when no one else is around.  I don't cry when others are here. So I guess no one is validating my tears, my emotions at the time.

Not even my husband allows me to cry; i remember a few years ago when I was crying in bed he told me to stop crying beause (i think) he didn't and still doesn't know how to handle my tears.

I just wanted someone to put their arms around me and just hold me while i cry.  That's why i feel so weak and not right in crying. I have always been ridiculed for showing my emotions and crying my whole life from my parents.

I ended up going to bed and got some sleep. But awake again at 4.30am and struggled.  

I know that there are so many caring supportive people on here who wouldn't judge me for crying. I just wish sometimes my husband would get it - but he doesn't and he shuts out from my illness.

that's why i feel so alone 😞

[BlueBay]

Hey @Faith-and-Hope

I wish that rainbow would come soon!!!

My kids do the same, as soon as there is a sad part in a movie they all look at me to see whether I am crying or not!!

I can't help it if I cry so much, I know i am sensitive and at times i am not proud of it. But I cant change who I am.

you know even the other day when i came back from my psych session and went back to work, one of my close friends who works with me, saw me getting upset about the fact that my psych had given me the week off - she told me to not get upset or cry because 'we have a new pharmacist' and 'you don't want him to see you cry'!!!!!   WTF!!