Lived Experience Forum

[younglawyer]

Does anyone feel like its actually better for their mental health to keep socialising to a minimum? I have BPD and depression and the only person I have contact with is my best friend and family who are very supportive. I am going through a rough patch and probably will be for the next 12 months. I hate socialising and make up excuses when I get invited to things because I feel like I don't even know how to have a normal conversation. I am so miserable and I feel like I just drag everyone down and be labelled as a "whinger". I always feel awkward and like my conversations are forced and don't come naturally with my current state of well being. I am also tired of giving the same answers to questions that upset me;

"when are you going to get a law job?" - I'm a grad and can't find anything

" when is your partner coming here/ is he here yet" - I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my fiance who is amaing but he is from the middle east living in italy and has to navigate the current system to get legitimate documents there before we can even apply for a visa here. he currently lives there illegally. It kills me inside when people ask this. I actually feel my eyes welling up.

"when are you getting married?"

"did you finish studying yet?" - currently doing college of law which is unlike any hell I have ever experienced I can't wait for it to be over. But there seems no point in it being over because there is no jobs.

I feel like everyone elses life is moving forward and progressing and mine has been at a stand still for 12 months.

[NikNik]

Hi @younglawyer

I don't think it's a bad thing to minimise socialisation for self care reasons. I think it's time to worry if you start to isolate yourself from your family and best friend. As long as you're connected and feel like you're part of helpful, caring and loving relationships/friendships, then that's great.

I think many people (with and without mental illness) at times feel like everyone elses lives are moving forwards while our own feel like they are at a stand still. 

I got engaged six months ago and I always get the -

'When is the wedding'

'When are you going to have babies'

I get sick of them too.

Comparing ourselves to others is not productive - it only ever makes us feel worse. Additionally, we never know what's going on behind closed doors and no one's life is perfect. As cliche as it sounds, everyone has their own path, and the journey is never in a straight line.

I hope you are finding this community helpful. If you think the next 12 months are going to be tough, this forum may be quite helpful 🙂

Take care

Nik

[Former-Member]

hi @younglawyer

i feel exactly the same i suffer from ptsd, anxiety, panic disorder, mild social anxiety (can only go out if someone i knw is with me) and multiple indenity/personality disorder (is not officially diagnosed but only just sought medical help with the support of my fiance after dealing with it on my own for 18 years).

i find it easier to just stay with people im comfortable with and often make excuses to get out of parties or get togethers.

i am also studying and i also cant wait to finish i feel like its been a really bad experience throughout the whole course but i only have 2 units left so im trying to finish.

i hate the questions too the most anoying one is being "why dont you appreciate your mother she's the reason your here?" - without going into detail i went through some of the worst thing in my life because of my mums drug addictions so i blame my mum for that so i dont talk to her unless its neccessary and often ignore it when she calls.  

when it comes to who i actually socialize with well i live with my partner, 4yr old son and my partners parents. i go to my best friends house at least 3 times a week i see my sis and her partner and kids and my youngest sis every couple of weeks, my bro his partner and kids and youngets bro every few months, my mum and autistic bro and nan about once a year and talk to my step dad on the phone every few weeks and see him when he gets time off work to come visit. and then uncles aunts and cousins that i randomly see but for some can be 3 years between visits other then that i talk to a few on fb.

but yes the less socializing i do the less stress i feel 

sometimes it does get to me everybody doing stuff together and not being apart of it but i prefer to not go out and feel in control of my head then to go and ruin it for everyone because i have a breakdown 

[clarke]

Don't worry about it, i've felt that people moved on with their lives and I got stuck somewhere since 2010. I go through most of what you are experiencing, i try to stay focused on the daily challenges...
It is frustrating most of the time but I try to stay positive and hope for a better tomorrow.
Isolation sucks, but solace offers me peace, and tranquillity.i don't have to worry about keeping appearances and engaging in conversations. Gives me a break. Kind of like two sides of the same coin.
Take heart