Lived Experience Forum

[Snowdrop]

Where do you get help?

My doctor is wonderful - but on a 15 minute visit there's not much he can do.

Psychologist/Counsellor - sounds fine - but unaffordable. I might be able to find one who can bulk bill but most of the others charge over that and then I have to pay and I can't afford it.

LifeLine - wonderful though they are can only allocate a certain amount of time. I rang them the other day and after a certain amount of time the lady had to go to another call. I understand this - there are people out there more desperate than me!!

Friends - don't have any. I'm not complaining about that, I am a solitary person by choice and for 99% of the time I am happy with the way things are. But when I need a long chat and ongoing support - well I could do with one.

Spouse - I've got an old fashioned one who believes that you just need to 'pull yourself together', just can't get his head around the fact that people can have issues that can't be seen. Cancer etc - yes, he would give all the help that is needed and within his power. Mental issues though - no understanding - and I think at his age he is now incapable of understanding.

Forums such as this - the comments I have received have helped immensely. It does make a difference that people read and empathise, but I also know that there are limits to the sort of help I can expect.

So where do I go?

As I have said in my other postings - I continue to feel like a rat on a wheel because I know I am looking for an answer when no answer exists.

[Sahara]

Hi @Snowdrop,

it's so good to hear that forums like Sane are helping you. Please feel free to keep writing about whatever you like. There is always someone here on Sane that will be reading and replying. I have found the forums to be a great help on my own journey towards improved mental health.

As for seeking formal help from a psychologist- it's a good idea and one that I hope you can pursue. Try to book a double appointment with your G.P. so as they can sort out a "Mental Health Care Plan" for you. You can then be referred to a psychologist for 10 free sessions that are covered by Medicare.  Some psychologists charge over and above the Medicare rebate- so be very specific with your G.P. and ask for one that is fully covered by Medicare.

I would also ask for a referral to a psychologist of the age and gender you feel you can most relate to, but that's just me..... unfortunately, I really don't see myself telling my life story to a male in his 20's, but again, that's just my personal preference. I know many people here on Sane have felt that they have been referred to a therapist who doesn't really suit them.

As for friends.... it's a tricky area, because even a very close friend might not understand MI and know the right things to say. Not that there really is any 'right things to say', but I hope you can catch my drift.

Kind words can only go so far and you usually really do need to talk to a professional if you have mental health issues.... not that I am an expert; I can only advise you as a fellow patient. 

For me, talking with the professionals was a great help. Friends and family tried to help but they absolutely had no idea what I was going through (and still don't) and so said things that were unhelpful.

Is there anything else you would like to talk over, @Snowdrop?

[Former-Member]

Getting "real" help, hmm, think our individualist society screams at us to not only "hold our own" but pay taxes. Collective cultures everyone has a place and belongs. I personally feel we all crave this within. My psychologist has been building my awareness lately about our strong genetic 'primal' instincts eg "our survival depended on being part of a group" which is no longer necessary in today's culture re supermarkets, housing, employment, welfare, health care... But I think maybe all those things can't replaced e the 'belonging and intimacy found in small communities or groups.

Self Compassion has helped me find ways to meet my own needs, be my own help, my own counsellor in a sense. Of cause my cornerstone or ankor is my faith in a loving God, Christ who values me (counteracting opposite messages i receive from the world) , actually, He thinks I'm "to die for" Sorry, just had to throw that one in there lol. No, what I'm trying to say is loving you, self xRe & self compassion is in fact the way it should be and the universe will back you up in it and out of that place we have much to give again. Well, that's my interpretation of getting help. You have to so a lot of the work yourself. Read as much as you can. Meditate. Use the skills learned in therapy... Its true, "god helps those who help themselves" (not stealing lol), - discipline themself.

Books I recommend
- 'Self Matters' Dr Phil
- 'A New Earth' Echart Tolle
- 'Who Moved My Cheese'
- 'Taming the Blackdog' Asbett
- 'Happiness Trap' Russ Harris
- 'Reality Slap' Russ Harris

[Appleblossom]

love your humour at the core of christian thinking @Former-Member

Good Luck @Snowdrop

Maybe you have been seeming to cope very well that your GP has not suggested the Mental Health Plan sessions.

I cant see why they want to charge over the Medicare amount .. it just seems plain greedy to me.

[Snowdrop]

I personally don't have a mental illess/issue (not sure what the politically correct term is nowadays 🙂 )

I am stressed - yes! But my stress is my inability to know how to help my son.

My stress is being frightened that despite the positives in his life there will come a time when the negatives just get one too much.

My stress is trying to help, but at the same time being frightened that I may say the wrong thing, and because of his nature, he will cut ties and then have no-one.

My stress is the worry that I am going about this all the wrong way, that in trying to help I am in fact either hindering or making things worse.

Are his siblings correct in that his depression is caused by his 'sense of entitlement', or am I correct that his 'sense of entitlement' is a symptom of his depression.

I wish I could just deal with each issue as it comes along rather than worry about his lonliness and depression, his feelings of why me ............... often caused when he has tried to get something right and it has just gone pear shaped. I know this happens to all of us and he also knows this. I think the trouble is that there are so few 'ups' in his life to balance the 'downs'.

I know that some people may read this and wonder why I think I have problems - and I do willingly acknowledge that there are many many people who are so much worse off than me.

I have my faith which helps me in many ways ......... but seeing my son suffer. That is hard and my faith doesnt always sustain me when I hear him crying.

Books - I'm up to my ears in them - but I will note those that have been suggested to me.

I'm well aware I am asking for the impossible when I look for an answer. Even in my heart of hearts I know that the only answer is to put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

But it doesn't hurt to keep looking - someone may have a clue that will help things even slightly.

And yes, in the absence of someone to talk to, I do find it helps to write my thoughts and feelings down. Maybe the answer is within me.

As a mother, well, I think we would all prefer to suffer ourselves rather than see our children in pain. A natural mother reaction I think.

[Former-Member]

Hey @Snowdrop, you're a good mum, it is hard even when they, our children, are grown, I think its because they are an extension of our flesh and heart. Their suffering affects us and visa versa. And so do the good times.

Liked your mind bender question:
"is his depression caused by a 'sense of entitlement', or is his 'sense of entitlement' is a symptom of his depression?" Good question.

Have you heard of 'locus of control' Simply put, its where some personalities look to outside influences to meet their needs (inc worth) instead of a self directed. I have two brothers with paranoid psychosis etc and they really believe their unjustly punished and everyone owes them, and they are daily wounded by this and suffer and lash out as 'everyone's done this to them' ... They become trapped in it, its horrible to watch and be attacked by them (by blackdog). All I can do is pray, I've tried everything else I know to.

Anyway, its part of the illness to look outside, and when it doesn't help they don't know how to help thrmself, and so it goes round. I know, I have blackdog and without my faith I don't think I'd discern what truth is, love & forgiveness, hope, and the difference between happiness & joy...

Sorry, got off track.

I think one of the best things you can do for your son is draw some reasonable boundaries to keep yourself steady and your instinct will let you know what you can offer. My son has constructed a stone hedge between us, still cutting the apron strings and distancing from the emotional pain I carry. He's entitled and will find his way.

I don't know what I'm saying. Just do the best you can 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hello! just interrupting, gate crashing threads, grog in hand, kind of a 'pub crawl' to wish you all a Great New Year!!! Stay Strong! 🙂 xox

[Snowdrop]

A Happy New Year to everyone. On a personal level - lets hope its better than 2016

Regards to all.

[Ellu]

Dear Snowdrop,

Happy New Year to you too! Let's hope it is better than the last one. Have you visited the Carers Forum here on SANE? You might find some people who are dealing with the same issues you are. By the way, depresion is an illness. It is a medical illness which is treated either by medication or "talk" therapies such as counselling or psychology. It is worth asking your GP for a Mental Health Plan which gives you ten free sessions with a psychologist. 

You must be a very caring person to think of wishing others a Happy New Year when you are in such a complicated situation. Mental illness is such an awful thing to deal with. I just want to tell you that I have had bi-polar disorder for 47 years. Sure there have been bad times,but I have managed to have a fulfilling life despite the illness, so please look forwards to a happier future and better times ahead

Ellu

[Sahara]

@Snowdrop,

personally I feel that talking to a psychologist might be a great help to you. You don't have to have a mental illness to seek the help of a psychologist. Plenty of people go to see them and talk about everyday issues that they need clarification with.

To have medicare cover this cost, you will need to get your doctor to do the Mental Health Care Plan, but I think it's perfectly valid to do the Plan for "situational stress" or something like that. You don't actually have to be sick.

If stress continues for a long time, you can go on to develop mental health symptom, so obviously your doctor would want to intervene and prevent this.

I'm sorry that I assumed you were unwell... it was probably just the reference to you calling lifeline that made me assume you must be unwell.

x