Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[pip]

@Anony18. I'm not too concerned about the loss of this other friend. If he is that selfish, I've lost nothing. My bf is not coming tonight, his Dr gave him some strong pain killers for his back (he injured it last week), I'm actually rather relieved he isn't coming, much as I like his company, I think I'm starting to enjoy being on my own. We are supposed to be going away for a weeks holiday in the near future, when I've finished radium. I may yet suggest a weekend, rather than a week. Bit scared of a full week with him. I'm starting to get into a routine of what I like to do each night and I'm rather enjoying my freedom.

[Anony18]

Hi @pip

Just seeing how you been? Hope all been relatively well ☺️

Anony

[pip]

Hi @Anony18. Nice to hear from you again. Quite a bit has happened since I last spoke to you. I gave bf 2 the 'flick' last week or the week before. After the disagreement with the door and his flare-up, I started wondering if I had jumped from the fry-pan into the fire. I have not that long been on my own and I talked the whole thing over with bf 1 (believe it or not). There was no jealousy or spitefulness with him, he showed genuine concern. He said he felt I had jumped in to quick, too. Bf 2 abused me uphill and down dale when I basically said I didn't feel ready to commit and wanted time to get to know 'me'. Bf 2 told someone else he had pulled the pin because he felt I had too many hang-ups. This other person (a mutual friend of ours) agreed with me and told bf 2 he was being childish. I have since seem bf 2, we have sorted things out, he apologized and we now get on well. I am seeing him tonight, but only as a friend, we're going for dinner, but I said I'd only see him occasionally as I'm starting to enjoy being on my own. I am starting to get to know me and I quite enjoy having my freedom. I have sort of decided men and me are fine as friends, but relationship-wise - no. Bf 1 and I are really getting on well as friends, I doubt it'll ever be more because even though we sort of think alike, he's fairly independent and, as I said, I'm enjoying being 'me' for the first me in my life. We (bf 2 and I) have discovered our 'love' is more brother/sister affection. I'm actually rather proud of me for standing up for myself and accepting that I don't need anyone to make my life.

[Anony18]

@pip - that is great to hear! It is really important to discover yourself first and have alone time than be with someone for sake of not wanting be alone....if that makes sense. I am really proud of you and what you have done. It is such a tough decision but is the right one for you by sounds of it. It is also great hear you are friends with both bf1 & bf2 😊

[pip]

Hi @Anony18. Thank you for saying that. The decision I made did take some thinking about, but because bf1 and I had been friends first, discussing it with him helped me. I still have strong feelings for both guys, but, as I said, more brother/sister for bf1, you can't have more than that relationship with a brother. Bf2 I had to work with and we got on better because there was no pressure. Being alone this last week or so has been good for me. I'm still recovering from radiation and still have some pain from that. I'm actually not lonely, I've done a lot of reading, listening to music, watching t.v and generally relaxing. Not having to entertain when I don't feel like it, is a feeling of freedom. Maybe one day I'll meet someone (if it's meant to be), if it isn't, I can accept that too.

[PeppiPatty]

Dearest All, 

This is an awesome feedback conversation here: 

everyone has their own piece to write all different. 

I of course; being 48 years old, almost 49 have a different perspective.

I do agree with what @pip writes: get on with your life ! You are not available for him ! You are grieving the change in this feral situation and death has messed it all up as well.

There was a wonderful lady called @Chris floating around when I first joined that would have some some wonderful suggetions. Her husband and her have some interesting perspectives in their relationship, she goes to an Arafmi monthly group meeting like I would love to do but my living has stopped that at the moment. @Chris had a dealth with her family and she dealt with it in a really ZEN way when faced with some chanllenges. 

[PeppiPatty]

I must say @Anony18

I must erge you to reread @Faith-and-Hope

YOU are the most important person. It is VERY hard to accept this. 

I took me many many years to accpet that I was the most important when my son struggled with massive medical issues .

This is going to sound really really weird but when my son got really ill, I needed to find boundries and I struggled with speaking to people. I bought this book: it was a suggestion of a friend and it really helped me not

BBBBBllllllleeeegggghhhhh everywhere.

The book is:

All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right 
by Ellen Fein (Author), Sherrie Schneider (Author)

I truly belive that you are

Strong

intelligent 

Caring

but I feel that maybe this book may give you idea  on learning space for yourself. I certainly need them all the time. I still read it. It wasnt about meeting a man for me, it was only not calling calling my loved ones and learning not to go crazy whenever seeing someone. Also, I realised that I was passionately talking about my work or just living and not focusing on what was really happening which was my son. 

Hope to speak soon,

PP