Hi 
Happy belated birthday @eth So pleased you had time away with family and your special day was wonderful 
Hi @eth, happy to learn you had a wonderful birthday. I looked up the arboretum online, beautiful place to celebrate you being alive, with loved ones. Good to hear you have had that time away in general. How was the road trip?
I have just called time out on in-person ndis meetings where I just sit in a room and tell people I do not know all the difficult details of my life. The activities themselves are great but I need to draw some boundaries for myself about these type of interviews I've had, often two hours of just sitting and talking in detail about my problems. After the last one I had about a week ago, I became unwell.
I've been finding talking a lot in general to be very overwiring of me lately, especially with the large increase in real-life people-contact that's happening with ndis. I can feel the high tension in my neck, chest and upper back, and like my nerves are getting hotter and hotter all over. It's like my body's shock absorbers can't handle the electrical energy in me, especially in my head, physically there most of all.
I'm pleased with myself for looking after myself with limiting this aspect of receiving support from ndis. My support worker and I are also planning a wordless walk in nature, I'm hoping for an ongoing series of them. Talk afterwards if we want. Hoping to do this with her on Monday. Most admin-type communications are now by email or sms. 
The activities and treatments themselves are great. I feel truly blessed. Struggling with energy levels since it all started maybe six to eight weeks ago but averaging about four things a week, most of them out of the home.
Most weeks there have been single days with two things on, but I'm trying to avoid this for the time being. I want to be able to keep up what I'm doing each week as regularly as possible, and continue that. If I take on too much, l am less likely to maintain consistency of doing things. Slow and steady is my mantra.
Twice a week I am usually walking to the train and going two stops to the one near my support worker. She has been picking me up from the station but from Monday I will be getting the connecting bus that takes me all the way to her place, and plan to get myself all the way home at the end as well.
Of course my support worker would drive to me and I'd have to do none of that independent traveling, but I prefer to stretch myself in this way, and enjoy the walking, sights and sounds. She actually helped me refind my confident strength on public transport those years ago when she was supporting me on the Phams program.
Choosing to do the same independent traveling to and from physio, acupuncture and any other appointments as well, rather than have C drive me. Some days I'm not up to doing that, or its pouring rain and C then drives me. Some rainy days I've been out on the public transport nonetheless. I have an umbrella that lives in my bag for both sun and rain, bought earlier in the year from the anti-cancer council shop.
Haven't been doing a lot of film-making at this starting phase of my decision to be 'retired' from the competitive parts of life, including competing with myself, the usual race, race, race that's part of working life, even when we don't get paid for it. It's in my nature that I will continue to have some drive in these ways, but I no longer wish to be striving for anything really. Most of all, I am seeking more genuine relaxation of mind and heart, and more simple enjoyment with being alive.
Have been making some bead jewellery and taking a few nature photographs to post on social media. Enjoyed both of those on-impulse activities. May do some art therapy via ndis later on in the year.
Looking forward to my mum coming to visit for my birthday in a couple of months. We are both hanging for it, though I'm also as usual a bit concerned about the potential for triggering with her. Even at 86 I find myself still feeling overwhelmed and unable to meet the level of her energy and desire to talk so much at high intensity.
Will do my best. My intent is always to be gentle and kind towards her but there are always the human frailties.
I am half way through the trauma-release hypnosis series. Second actual hypnosis is on Tuesday. I do not have to relive the memories as part of this. Nonetheless I am a bit nervous about this coming session as it is the one most directly addressing the traumas.
As part of my homework after the first consultation session the psychologist (a beautiful man) asked me to list the twelve worst things of my life in very brief detail. This same homework ended with something much more positive and forward looking. But the act of listing the traumas naturally has brought up some things. I feel it was also helpful in itself to do the list in some ways.
However the past two weeks I have been going through a change of anti-depressant, almost always a difficult time of instability in moods and mind. A couple of nights ago I had a dark night of the soul about the traumas related to my father, not a frantic episode, but deeply emotional.
C helped by keeping me company and listening in a lovely way. I let him go back to bed after about an hour but stayed up all night myself. Last night I slept 12 hours straight. When I started waking up I couldn't remember when or how I'd got to bed! 
Hi @Adge really glad @eth mentioned to you the possibility of appealing the ndis decision. She was a true champion in her persistence to receive ndis support. I was like that to a much lesser extent when I was trying to get the disability pension. It took me 18 months and two applications but I got it, and it's very close to the top of the best things that happened to me in my life. Either way, well wishes always.
Hi @Appleblossom it's been lovely meeting you in different places on the forum lately, feeling our connection.
Hi beautiful @Exoplanet
Hi everyone.
Your use of ndis is inspiring to me. Still trying to work out what I need or want. No longer sure about much, battling on.
My son is a little down, found out some reasons tonight. Walking on Egg shells, but cos I love him.
You are encouraging me too. Just by still being around.
It is so good you are challenging yourself in good reasonable ways and feeling better about getting out and about.
I rarely have 2 things on in one day, even with NDIS, tho Tmrw I am hoping to do 2 things one in morning locally and one in afternoon across town. See how it goes.
Hi @Appleblossom, moving our conversation in Craft Corner to here. I can see how 'Good Enough Parent' could have been helpful for you. It would be helpful to a lot of other parents as well, I imagine.
There is a strong spiritual aspect to these hypnotherapies I'm doing, not at all religious or of a doctrine. The psychologist and I have discussed spirituality. I feel compatable with his perspectives on this and trust him with any aspect of this in the process of my hypnotherapy.
Oh yes, Mum's full on energy even at 86! She is very easily hurt and has been when I've felt I needed to talk with her about it. We have basically come to an agreement that I will do my best to be patient and she will do her best to give me more gaps to speak, haha. Next stop: some actual quiet time together with neither of us talking!
I'm noticing that being quiet in the company of others has become a bit of a theme with me lately, a desire for more of the relaxation that can come with that, and to quiet my maddening mind, often over-stimulated in real life conversation.
You mentioned your big verbal personality when with high energy people. My general social persona in real life is like that a lot when I am out and about, very highly verbal.
Last time I saw my psychiatrist he counselled me about what he called 'performing myself'. I get that I might enjoy things more if I truly felt like I could be myself. But I also know that an often big verbal personality has been a successful survival skill for me in the social and cultural world.
I was excruciatingly vulnerable and sensitive when younger, so shy and withdrawn in personality, with paper-thin emotional skin. Socialising was like a series of mini-traumas in that state of naked fragility that was my natural personality.
'Performing myself' has helped me get past that, at least enough to actually have fun, smiles and laughter with people, and to enjoy them more, even though on the inside the social anxiety has bubbled on and on and on.
At this time in my life though, I may not need that big performance as much as when I was younger and so I am thinking openly about what my psychiatrist said. In general I'm feeling it's a time to quieten down and it is my intention.
Interesting to know your son has been engaging with hypnotherapy. I'm proud of him too. I actually feel a little connection with him via the conversations you and I have had over the years. There seem to be some things he and I have in common. Bless you both.
Dear @Mazarita that was really lovely and surprising to hear you mention a sense of connection with my boy. Maybe it was his clear diagnosis of Bi Polar 1 early on, I won't analyse, but just cherish it. Thank you. Hope you recovered from your mother's visit.
I have been unable to log in to the forum for nearly a week, then today it seemed to work as I went thru my probable passwords ?? so here I am again.
Had a technical and social and emotional meltdown last weekend. Spt wkr helped me thru and I decided to do a spiritual practice which lasts around 30 days, and give myself big gentle space. Found it in a book on my shelves. I easily can slide into a non digital life when it stops for whatever reason (garden, books and music), although I also struggle with the addictiveness of cyberspace when its on. Maybe after this month, I will look at it in a structured way, though I have just signed up to a 12 wk online therapy .... see what happens.
Yes it is very special to have such a long time connection with both you and maz
Good to hear about your weekly schedule. Sounds very fulfilling and balanced.
Need to catch up on my notifications.
Will pull back a bit from time on the forum, but check in regularly.
Cheers and Go Gently ...
Apple