14th year house bound

[Appleblossom]

@hiddenite

It is so easy to expect too much of ourselves when we renovate and have little ones. Just getting out there to house and dealing with school pickups etc is accomplishment. Maybe we need a new saying .. like dont be afraid to put off tomorrow that you did not manage to get done today.

@Jacques

I can understand wanting to know the reality of what is out there ... from time to time I do internet searches like that ... but my mood is sensitive to what I read and watch so am careful not to overdo it.

Karen is right though ... dont let the bad people win ... find a way to leave your mark.  Even if you strugle with anger ... you care enough to strugle with it and not bully people with it. Still you strive for ideal relationships with us ion the forum. Thank you for our sharing

[Jacques]

Hi Karen,

Unfortunately i didn't do much today, just went to the tip to get rid of some old cooking stuff, preparing for the kitchen reno.

Oh Karen, here is the safty stuff i use, please be careful, it can be dangerous working on an old house, anyway here is what i use.

http://www.bunnings.com.au/3m-tekk-protection-safety-goggles-_p5820590

http://www.bunnings.com.au/bear-disposable-p2-respirator-dust-mask-with-valve-3-pack_p1210576

http://www.bunnings.com.au/ironclad-xl-superduty-gloves_p5810239

Karen, i use these items, i have found they work really well for me, as i always manage to damage my hands in the first 5 min  

Please remember Karen, go slow, take it a room at a time, take plenty of breaks, and if you get overwhelmed stop, go for a hour break or a day break and come back to it, i suffer from being overwhelmed too, i can't have people help me with the agoraphobia, so i have to do all the work myself, i get scared i will not be able to do it, overwhelmed at the task, frustrated too sometimes, but if you break the task down and don't rush it does help eleviate the symptoms. 

Please speak to me if you are still feeling overwhelmed, i am here for you, i hope you mean dirty and not mentally a mess.

Hang in their my angel, you are doing a fantastic job, you have not done any of this for a long time, and you have 2 little ones to care for, i am so proud of you for getting into it and giving it a go, please give yourself a pat on the back.

Sending you a virtual hug and a block of chocolate, and what the hey some flowers

Take care my angel.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Nik

Unfortunately no wonderful surprises for me, just more hard work. With the awful feeling that I've made a horrible decision. I really don't think I can manage alone. I just keep thinking what have I done....

It's also made my other plan for not being around more real.

Karen

[hiddenite]

Thanks Jacques

I mean mentally a mess. The more I tried the more overwhelmed I became.

Oh my you and I share eexactly the same symptoms

Overwhelmed at the task

Scared that I won't be able to do it

Can't even make a phone call 

To scared to have trade people around because of the flashbacks, so scared of men

Frustrated and angry at myself for being so pathetic.

I just ended up going Bush and hiding in my car.

So worthless and ashamed, I've made a huge mistake and the pressure is too much

Sorry j I'm a mess

[NikNik]

Hi @hiddenite

Renovations always get worse before they get better - just keep that end goal / image in mind - that's what you're aiming for.

I'm concerned about your comment about your other plan for not being around - what do you mean by that?

[hiddenite]

Jacques the only way I can explain it, is that I have spent nearly 2 years in my car most days now I am having severe anxiety attacks being in the house. It is so bad that I can only spend a short time in the house before I retreat back to the car.

An empty house is too big a space I'm so pathetic I finally got the home I wanted but I cannot stand being in it. I feel like a freak.

The car is the only place I can be.

Sorry I don't think I'm making sense

[Jacques]

My Angel,

You can't go anywhere you promised me you will stick around, You have to be their for your girls too.

Karen their is nothing wrong with leaving if you are feeling overwhelmed, it has taken me over 3 years to get the house renos done, and i probably have another 2 years to go.

Karen i know you are scared, i don't think you have made the wrong decision, it sounds beautiful, you will make it a beautiful home, i know you will, and i want to see some pics when you are done.

Remember my angel, break the day into hours and minutes, i am here for you, we will work through this together, it is just your husband talking when you say you are pathetic, it is not the Karen i know.

The Karen i know is strong, determined, loving, kind and caring.  i don't recognise who you are speaking about.  remember we are too hard on ourselves, remember you telling me that?

You are my guardian angel, without you i would not be here either, you are here for me and i am her for you, remember that.

call lifeline or suicide callback service if you need it.

I am here my angel, everything will be ok.

Jacques

[Jacques]

Karen i have a whole house, guess how many rooms i go into?

2 the bathroom and my bedroom, i very rarely go into any other room.  Karen i understand, i feel scared in my own home to, so frightened someone will come or i will be forced to leave.  your car is your safe place, the bathroom is mine, i only feel safe in the bathroom, i don't know why.

Karen this is your anxiety talking, like mine tells me i am worthless, useless, our anxiety is our enemy, we need to fight it.

Karen you make sense to me because i experiance the same things, i sleep most days because i am scared of everything out side the house.

Karen i do understand, please vent, i am with you, you are not alone.

[Jacques]

Karen, remember the other day when i had the electrician here, i  nearly passed out, i hurt my wrist, which is still hurting like hell, Karen i struggle to, we need to fight.

[NikNik]

Hi Karen,

I noticed you didn't address my question. Either way, I'm very concerned for your wellbeing and have sent you an email with some information.

While these Forums is definately a place you can sit and be with people, it's really not the best place for someone in crisis. There is more effective support through crisis services such as:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat
Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

As you can see, we all want you to be safe tonight. Can you @Jacques & I know what plans you have to remain safe tonight or whether you're not safe.

Please take care.