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When your son rejects his parents

Our son who is in his late fourties was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when he was 21 but has never believed the diagnosis as he thinks he is ok. We had to call for help when he went through a psychotic episode. Most of the time he was compliant with medication more to please us and later to stay out of hospital and off CTO's. Six years ago we were able to move him out of home and eventually he was able to get an apartment. All was going well for 5 years and he enjoyed visits home and regularly spending a few nights with us. He enjoyed family get togethers especially looking forward to Christmas each year. He has many memorabilia's from his grandparents who are deceased and often talks fondly of them.

All this changed late last year and we noticed him becoming quite unwell. It took a while to get help as he had moved into an area where he was not known by medical facilities. In the end he was committed on an involuntary treatment order and subsequently discharged on a CTO. He became very angry with me especially because I was once again the person responsible for getting him into hospital. Once discharged he became hostile to the entire family and publicly posts very nasty messages that I invented Schizophrenia so that I could have him locked up etc. Thankfully his treatment team keep me in the loop but basically they feel he is well. His posts show that he still has no insight but he does not share these views with his treatment team so it is difficult to know what he really feels. 
He posts he has no family no friends and won't pick up the phone and has blocked us from communicating via social media. 
My question is ... he seems to cope ok without his family and is quite happy to have no mother no father but ... how can mothers cope in this situation. Sadly emotionally I feel I can't simply stop feeling responsible Smiley Sad 

6 REPLIES 6

Re: When your son rejects his parents

Dear Mother in Need

 

I wish I knew how to help you, but sadly, I'm in the almost identical situation with my daughter and I don't know what to do about it either. The only thing I hang onto is that it's not her rejecting us (mostly me) but the sickness. Thinking of you and hope that this symptom of your son's illness passed very soon.

Re: When your son rejects his parents

Dear Casey. I am sorry you are in the same boat Smiley Sad I don't hold our son responsible for what is happening as it is the illness causing this. I just find it difficult to stop worrying even though I know worry is also useless. So far it has always been his family who have made sure he is safe. Right now he has medical staff checking on him and also helping him with practical things. It's once he comes off the CTO that he will be left to his own devices and be vulnerable. My fear is that this "belief" he has adopted that his mother wants to lock him up and tried to poison him (after we dropped off some food for him he became ill ... as it was food we too ate we know it wasn't the food but he must have picked up food poisoning from something else he ate) will become a totally entrenched delusion that he won't snap out of. 

Re: When your son rejects his parents

Hi Mother in Need

 

We do seem to be in almost exactly the same boat. My daughter has a close friend who is great at supporting her and she has a physchiatrist who she sees (albeit infrequently I think), so I just try to make sure she knows we're always there for her and hope for the best. I hope your son fares well once he comes off the CTO.

Send all good thoughts and support,

Kasey13

Re: When your son rejects his parents

@Mother-in-need @Kasey13  Hi ladies I have a son with multiple diagnosis one of which is schizophrenia and I also have schizoaffective disorder.  I can look at it at both perspectives.  At the moment I am feeling extreme anger at having to take my medications because of the fear of being put back in hospital. It is an awful feeling of losing control over ones self and having others in control over your life. The thought of hospital horrifies me and keeps me taking my meds and I hate it all.

 

My son2 is in exactly the same position. He takes his medications to stay well and out of hospital. Luckily for me he is very compliant and is not experiencing the same anger that I am regarding his medications. 

 

All I can say is try and put yourselves into the position of your children and see how all this anger has to be directed somewhere and the first point of call is the parents. It is nothing personal it is just an awful feeling for the person with the mi to experience and one that is all too common. I hope this helps. greenpeax

Re: When your son rejects his parents

Hi Greanpea. Thank you for your reply. It must be awful trying to cope in your situation with both you and your son suffering mental illness and something as nasty as these rather serious ones. I am not angry with my son just frustrated not knowing how to deal with this as outside the family he has not had any ongoing support and he has always asked us for help with things. He has become a lot more independant but at least we still had some idea of how he was coping which will cease once he is off the CTO. 

I too have to swallow very toxic drugs due to a rare autoimmune disorder. I could be stinking mad as well. If I don't swallow the drugs I will most likely have total relief from all my worries as it will lead to an early grave. I just don't know who to be angry with! So I accept the situation. I know it is harder to accept when your mind is unwell but there are so many on this earth who have to put up with horrible things and so I feel swallowing some nasty toxic medication that keeps us reasonably well is just one of those things we have to live with. I am so thankful there are drugs that keep us living and keep us out of permanently locked institutions or hospitals for that matter. So many on earth can't even get treatment. 

I feel for you. Thanks for sharing. I have incredible empathy for your situation and for that of our sons. I just worry that he is vulnerable and by cutting himself totally off from friends and family he can easily be manipulatedSmiley Sad

Take care. You are doing very well and I pray your anger settles when you think about the alternatives without the drugs. Yes they keep you out of hospital ... and that is great ... but they probably also make it easier for you to look after your son. Smiley Sad

Re: When your son rejects his parents

Hi Greenpea 

Thanks for you support of me and of Mother in Need. Your situation sounds infinitely harder as you have to manager your own MI too. My deepest respect to you. Your point about our children having to put their anger somewhere is a good one and I've been reflecting on that lately too. I think my daughter is probably also angry with herself and feeling guilty and, as you say, a parent most often seems a good place to put all that anger. I guess I can feel useful in that way at least for the moment.

Lots of good wishes and support to you and your son.

Kasey13

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