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Something’s not right

Re: Changing meds

@WIP 💛🌻

Re: Changing meds

It will be good to see my sister, nephew and niece early next year @Anastasia 

There's a big part of me that is very nervous about it though. It'll be 2 years since I've seen them and I've put on a lot of weight due to the high dose of APs I was put on last year when in hospital. It'd be awesome If a medication removed the weight as quickly as it put it on 🤗 My metabolism has been slowed down and my cholesterol levels have been raised..... 

My sister and I have always been conscious of our weight and I just know she'll look and me and judge me as a 'sloth' - which I have been over our 7 month lockdown.   Plus, I'm worried what the kids might say. You know what they're capable of saying unintentionally. Plus, my sister sort of 'closes her ears' when it comes to my MH, so we have a strained r'ship as it is to begin with. Im

probably overthinking it way too much, but the main thing is I don't want to have too many wobbles when the are here - something for me

to work towards.

 

How are you feeling with walking each morning?

 

Thats a great suggestion for making lists of things to do in the spare room. I've been putting it off for ages, but I MUST just do it. A few months ago I wouldn't have even been able to physically touch Dads stuff, but I'm better with that now. It's just working out where to put it.

 

I hope you, your boy and you man have a nice weekend together. Lots of love and hugs your way...💞💖💖

Re: Changing meds

Good Morning @Former-Member 

 

I saw you mentioned in Morning has broken thread. That you SH includes drinking too much, or at times of stress and crisis. I'm the same!

The guilt I feel afterwards is enormous! 

How do help to deal with urge and after guilt?

 

WIP

🌸💕

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Changing meds

Hi @WIP Sorry to hear you go through guilt. I don't actually sh. I have si thoughts, but not every day like I used to. Those thoughts used to be there as soon as I woke up and continued throughout the day. I have learnt to silence the thoughts by saying something positive. If I'm alone, I say it out loud, if someone is around, I say it quietly to myself, or just think the positive thoughts. It took a lot of practice, but it does work for me. At first I constantly said the positive thought all throughout the day. Now I rarely have the si thoughts. I do this whenever I have bad thoughts about anything. It can be a battle at times, but it's the only thing that helps me. I have attempted s in the past, but not any more. I have someone here that relies on me, so I have to stay safe. Having them in my life stops me from doing anything dangerous. 
I do drink too much and that does bring guilt and shame. I try and ignore the guilt the next day.  Not easy, that's for sure. 
I just need to get through Christmas. And I have promised myself that I will stop drinking  in the new year. My health is suffering because of drinking. I need to stop if I want to survive. Sometimes I don't feel like I want to fight to survive, but, like I mentioned, someone relies on me in real life. 
Christmas is an extremely difficult time for me, so I can't bring myself to stop just yet. 
I am happy to chat anytime with you, if you like. 
How is your day going so far?

I haven't achieved anything yet. I do need to help someone later. I don't have the energy, but I can't let them down. 
🌸🌺🌷

Re: Changing meds

Hi @Former-Member 

Thanks so much for your honest and heartfelt response. 
I think we sound a little similar, I don't SH, but on really bad days I have SI. I wish I didn't, but I do. My pdoc, doesn't seem to believe me, as I used to be such a high functioning professional in the workforce, until a severe bullying and harasment episode came into play.  Bottom line is, I would never do that to my Mum. She's my one and only supporter! I do wonder what I'd do though if she got sick & wasn't here.

 

I wake every day with the intention of it being a good day, but most days my mind doesn't allow it -

the negative  & anxiety takes over. Like you, I just want to be able to make it through Christmas!

 

You are very lucky to have someone in your life - I don't Unfortunatley, just my dog.'itsmhaed to keep going when you're on your own. But I try -'although I self sabotage with alcohol, which is no way to live.

 

Lovely to chat with you -'thank you! Take care of you. xx

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Changing meds

I understand. It is difficult to be positive every day. I too struggle with that every day. My d is all I have to keep going. Although she has gone away from me this year. That makes it harder for me to fight. We were best friends, but she's chosen to move on. It's a long story and she doesn't realise how much she's hurting me. I have blocked out family and never see any of them. It does feel lonely, but having them in my life is too traumatic.

I understand about having a good career in the past. Same here. I'm sorry bullying etc happened to you. 
I was bullied by my boss at one particular job. I mostly am alone. But I do hope to get well and start over and find new friends etc. it's just too hard at the moment 

Thanjs for your honesty too @WIP 🌷

 

Re: Changing meds

Hi there @Former-Member  We a sound as though we have some small similarities, but not having children myself doesn't really compare.

I wish you well in your journey & when the wretched loneliness rears it's ugly head, please

Know I'm with you fighting it too. Xx 🌹🦋💕

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Changing meds

Just cooked a proper meal for lunch. Didn't have dinner again last night. 
I won't be helping d after all. She's really moved on. I had my cry. I hate that she's pushing me away. Saw her briefly just before. Wasn't the time to say how much she's hurting me. She had her boyfriend with her. I think I'll have to say something next week when I see her. I've had many talks already about it, but it doesn't really change anything. Although the tension isn't as bad as it was weeks ago. 
Hard to believe this has happened really, because we've always been so close. Her boyfriend is mostly to blame. ☹️😢

Anyway, feel free to chat anytime about anything at all. Deep stuff or just something to distract. Need to get a cuppa. Or maybe something else. Feeling really hurt. 
💞

Re: Changing meds

@Former-Member @WIP 

Lots of love

💖💖💖🤗🤗💖💖💖

Re: Changing meds

@Former-Member 

💕💖💕💕💖💕

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