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sara74
Contributor

Me and my amnesia

Hi everyone,

 

I’m new to the forums, and English is my second language, so please forgive me for my mistakes. And I’m going to talk about suicide, so please beware the triggers.

 

My biggest problem is paranoia. I have delusions of persecution which means I think someone is after me, even though in reality I have no evidence that this is happening. But I attempted suicide not so long ago anyway, so the possibility of being on the other side does not scare me that much anymore. What scares me the most is mental games, the tricks my mind does on me, they are the worst.

 

The fact is, I remember some things much better than the other. For example, I remember being bullied clear, but my responses to that I forget. Sometimes people say, do you remember saying that and that? And I truly do not remember. Being amnesiac like that is a scary experience.  

 

But, at the same time, I have good enough memory to write the text in language I couldn’t speak not so long ago. It’s so weird. It’s like all the new knowledge makes me forget some facts of my past, or something like that. I do not know.

 

Sometimes I feel like people twist my words and put something else to what I say, too. It’s debilitating because I do not know anymore what to say and what not.  I feel I am being misunderstood and do not understand other people. It feels like a trap, and I do not know how to get out.

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Me and my amnesia

@sara74 

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find it helpful and useful. 

Smiley Happy

I respect you must have faced difficult situations to have felt so much despair.

Maybe when we are being stretched because of circumstances, like learning a new language, whether it reduces the the opportunity to reflect and firm up our memory banks.  Maybe sometimes there is just too much going on. 

 

Go gently with yourself as you work towards healing.

 

Re: Me and my amnesia

Hey @sara74

 

Welcome to the forums! I'm one of the moderators. It's very courageous to reach out here and tell us about yourself. That's so tough not being sure if you can trust your memory or experiences right now. I'm sorry you feel trapped and unsure what to say or not say. Despite that feeling you write about your experience really clearly, which helps us understand you more. It probably is comforting to others going through something similar. I hope you keep contributing and find a lot of support and connection here on the forums. 

 

Don't hesitate to ask questions of the forums team by writing @Former-Member or by asking questions of members. Also the Guidelines can be good for getting an idea of how it all works. 

 

Take care and see you around 🌻 

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