Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Just letting you know that he did the tidying and we had meeting.  We also had yummy din on his keto regime and watched a show together that we both enjoy.  All with good attitude.  (Still, the family room floor is decorated with his enormous boots and his belt is stretched out, so an obstacle course, but I am focussing on the positives.  I am certainly NOT picking them up.)

The good vibes have made my day, but I would not expect that every day.

 @Shaz51 @utopia @soul @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

[utopia]

I keep typing this message. It keeps disappearing.  Aaarrrggghhh!!!

I got a letter today from local Shire including a  $100 administration charge for my property.  It is a "fire risk". I have 10 days t9 cut my grass and weeds back,  otherwise they will issue me with a fine of over $1,000. And then cut it themselves and send me that bill too.

My son was meant to mow it all yesterday.  It was meant to be all done. 

I should do it myself,  but I can't even manage a shower or cook a meal for myself,  due to my depression.  So now what am I meant to do? 

Life is hard enough without all this interference from the Shire and there threats.. 

I slept all day until 4pm today,  as yesterday just emotionally and physically wore me out. 

I'm em9tional,  but still can't cry.  I'm so irritated and angry.  I'm depressed.  And I'm stuck. 

@Appleblossom@Shaz51@soul@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope

[Appleblossom]

 @utopia 

It seems the grass part is blown out beyond your control.

   

Have you arranged for him to do it for pocket money or in lieu of board?

I used to be main grass cutter in family, but really cannot do it any more.  Is he dragging his feet to put it off another day. Does he realise the consequences, in terms of disposable family finances?  I cant remember his age or what is fair.

I do believe there is an element of casual or unconscious sexism in some of these situations.

I also remember that I was clearly told in FAMILY THERAPY that it is important to have both a financial and household task contribution by kids (age appropriate).

Just talking to the subject, and hoping things turn around for you.

[Zoe7]

That is certainly one more hassle you did not need @utopia 

Is your son still working? If he is maybe it is time he understands the responsibilities that come with that as well - show him the bill and let him know tht part of that is his - he needs to help around the place when he is there - he is not a young child anymore and he needs to pull his weight - you can't do it all on your own @utopia

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️ @utopia ....

[utopia]

I can't do anything at the moment @Zoe7. I'm stuck in my depression. 

@Appleblossom My son is 16. I used to mow the big backyard and from the age of 14, he had to mow the small front garden and nature strip.  But I'm finding with my excess weight and breathing problems that mowing the back yard was getting too hard for me.  So as of his July birthday this year,  I started doing the front yard and he started doing the backyard.  He hasn't done it for 3 weeks,  so it's overgrown & I'm  stuck and can't do the front yard.  I think it's the front yard the Shire is worried about. I live in town.  It's not a farm.  Didn't expect to get a "fire risk" notice. 

I can't afford to pay him.  He doesn't get pocket money as I have no spare money.  He works 9 hours a week and earns money.  His own money.  My mum has told him (he's living with her at the moment  - he doesn't want to live with me),  that mowing the grass at my house,  is part of being part of a family.  It's helping each other out.  He complains all the time about having to mow it,  coz he doesn't even live here.  

I'm sick of the whinging.  I need help.  He doesn't see it.  He knows I'm unwell.  He doesn't care. 

I'm over it. 

[Zoe7]

I know it is tough to get any motivation when you feel like this @utopia but can you find the energy to mow the front yard at least?

[utopia]

I haven't even showered for 2 weeks @Zoe7.

[Zoe7]

That is your first step then @utopia Get in the shower and freshen yourself up Hon. I find it does help when I am feeling low to have the water run over me and then I also feel fresher afterwards. Your 2 goals are simple ones - mow the front yard and have a shower - I know both of those are so hard when you are feeling like you are right now but pushing yourself to get those done is what you need my beautiful cocky friend. We both know I have been where you are so many times and that is why I can tell you that getting yourself mobile and doing those things you need to do can help.

Sending you lots of love and many big hugs 

[Appleblossom]

@utopia  You can do this.

@Zoe7's suggestion is good. Get out of your current crisis with grass and shire.  Do some self care.  One more mow, but is it worth thinking about down sizing?  I dont really know your financial situation or housing availability. I agree with your mum that he should contribute some activity, but in the energy balance of your household, if it is turning bad then it is wasting energy, it is not a plus situation.

I have a small garden problem out the back that I am leaving to try and encourage my son to see it and feel prompted to do some outside work.  Because IT IS GOOD for them.  I am waiting for his own sense of responsibility and pride to kick in.  But he has done very little and needs praise and attention for every tiny thing.  

Is there a way to try separate out the household running tasks and affection for you. 

It is such a tricky thing being a single mum of a boy.

Take Care of YOU.