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Looking after ourselves

Senior Contributor

I see this as looking after myself.

I feel like I want to/need to have a hiatus. Spend time away from society/world/people etc. I just feel like I've really lost myself entirely. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm so fatigued. I actually don't know what else to do but lock myself away. I'm also in a lot if pain. I'm tired of the OLD. Old ways of doing things, trying to have hope when I'm too tired to hold hope. I don't have answers anymore. Some days I can't breathe and I want to scream. 

 

I'm struggling to make things work when I'm not getting much help to make those things work. I'm tired if feeling like I have failed when I have done much good too. I'm tired of wanting to feel appreciated and seen. I'm tired if feeling empty and lifeless. I'm tired if living someone so profoundly deeply and wanting them so very much, but feeling resistance. I'm tired of trying to explain what's in my heart but they can't connect with it. It hurts. I just feel devastated. I don't know who I am anymore nor where I stand. I have to try remember this person is doing their best. What I'm concerned about is not knowing if and when things will get better and am I just being selfish in wanting to connect with that person on the level that I love them. Maybe they don't feel that way like I do? I just don't know. 

11 REPLIES 11

Re: I see this as looking after myself.

@Ramble  I hear how tired and devastated you are. I hear how lost and alone you feel.

 

I understand the need to be appreciated and loved. You have given your ‘ all’, and feel empty. I hear your pain, I really hear your pain. 

 

These are the times I wish I had a magic wand, and words of wisdom. I have neither.

 

My counsellor has often said to me, and I mean ....often, I’m holding a fistful of hope for you. So @Ramble  I’m holding a fistful of hope for you. You don’t have to do anything. Just breath.

 

Sending 💙💙💙💙

Re: I see this as looking after myself.

@Maggie 

 

I really appreciate you hearing how tired and devastated I am  I also appreciate you hearing how lost and alone I feel. 

 

I feel all those things and go even deeper into myself when people say nothing or stupid things if I open up about it. That's how tired I am, just can't be bothered wasting my time. 

 

I still don't know if I have any right to feel appreciated it if I'm asking too much? I'm very confused. We all want to feel loved. I guess I'm questions that too since I'm going through the horrid time if questioning things I did as a child and young adult. Who was me, was it really me, was I doing it so I could be loved, and so on. I'm trying to understand what us healthy what is not, what are realistic expectations, what are not, should I have expectations or should I not. 

 

Thank you for holding a fistful of hope for me @Maggie  

 

Enjoy the rest of your day. ♥️💚🧡

Re: I see this as looking after myself.

Hi @Ramble 

@I wonder if you have looked at the website called...healthyplace.com...

I have been on it today and I found it VERY helpful indeed. The segment I read was on 'how to open up and reveal yourself to others' but there are links at the bottom of the page about relationships too. 

I agree totally with everything @Maggie has said. I hope the torment you are feeling subsides soon. Please don't be too hard on yourself. It takes two to make a relationship work, are you trying too hard maybe?

takecare always-hope 💙

Re: I see this as looking after myself.

@Skantz 

 

I may be incorrect here, you sound of Aboriginal descent ✌️

 

The bush/nature is the best place to be to CONNECT. If you can do it and are able, I'd suggest going for a few days. I've had my battles with alcohol in the past. It was a huge part of my life. I am a recovering alcoholic and recovering drug addict.My last drink was NYE 2016. I relapsed with drugs in 2016 as well, but got back.on track. 

 

I did it all myself with no support, no AA or NA and no therapy. I know I will never pick up a drink again or relapse again, BUT it took so much hard work. I understand. 

 

If you can, watch The Beach on SBS on demand. Documentary. 

 

My thoughts are with you. 

Re: I see this as looking after myself.

@Always-hope 

 

I'm.very hard onyself. I'm.working at changing it. 

I have not seen the sight you mentioned, but will.take a look at it. 

 

I have millions of little issues developed from my horrific childhood. They are like those annoyed Ng popups you get on your PC of phone when you do not want them. I know my brain needs to reset itself to thinking differently. It's driving me insane too. 

 

I'm.not sure what to say today. It's just too much but I thank you for your post and will go look up.whst you read today. 

 

Ramble

Re: I see this as looking after myself.

@Ramble 

 

My apologies I misread the post

 

I am from a mixed heritage but should you see me there is little doubt. I have apart of Australia that beacons me. It is rugged little gorge that seems to call me into space. Don't worry I would never step off. For me this was answered years ago.

 

I feel I have pushed the alcohol back into its box and only get bitten from time to time. The lesson I learnt was that when you really need a drink is exactly the time you can't afford to. It won't end well. My dad was a functioning alcoholic and would self medicate most nights but always make it to work. I sometimes wouldn't make it to work.

 

Were my misunderstanding is, is that this time around I am a willing participant trying to support my partner. But feeling drained and trapped looking for my time on country but not being able to relax to receive the healing.

 

I am happy to support my Beautiful Lady but am in need of a little "therapy" my self.

 

i hope you have someone willing to share the load. Although my burden was not huge I carried it alone and would not wish that on anyone.

Re: I see this as looking after myself.

@Skantz 

 

Hmm there is no doubt then. In 2013 my best friend at the time passed away. It was tragic. We lived together and he died at home. Alcohol and medication killed him. Heart attack and he was gone. The former caused that heart attack. 

 

I was meant to be living there healing, but I did not know the extent of his drinking and so on. I absolutely adored him. I was there for him a lot. It was really hard for me to go through as I was not in a good place myself. 

 

After he passed away my life spiralled out of control for the next three years. I am ok now, buy it took me a long time to let him go and realise it wasn't my fault and there was nothing further I could have done for him. Something like that affects you forever though. 

 

My point is, take the time you need to go out country. You need to recharge/heal/make you a priority. 

 

It doesn't mean you do not love someone because you choose that, it means you do so you can be there even more and renewed should you decide to be. 

 

Help in carrying the load us never something I have had, but thank you. 

 

I hope this has helped. 

 

Ramble

 

Re: I see this as looking after myself.

@Ramble 

 

Thanks a lot for your words. My partner is in acute care ATM so if not comfortable she should be safe....

 

i plan to have the week off work so I think I will grab the swag and have a night under the stars. Not sure if I will get back to my piece of country but there are many good options in this beautiful place

 

I am thankful now that I made this "error" in reading your posts. Sorry if I caused too much confusion. Sorry to hear you have to walk this journey alone and I am thankful for your kind words

 

 

Re: I see this as looking after myself.

@Skantz 

 

She will be safe where she is. I understand you love her deeply. Love you deeply too. Taking a bit if time out dies not mean you love her any less not are you selfish. Trust me when I say, time out is very necessary. 

 

She needs to go through her own process. A night under the starts and a peaceful rest is a good medicine. Hopefully you can extend it to two nights. 

 

Yeah, well walking alone most of my life has been the worst if everything. I'm tired and had enough of trying to pretend. I have absolutely zero care about impressing anyone or working my ass off for people. I do what I feel like doing without apology. Too tired, just too tired of it all. 

 

I wish you and your partner the best in moving forward. 

 

You are welcome. 

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